MY LAST ENTRY FOR SURE

24/10/2004, exactly 4 years back, my first entry registered in blogspot. Now, I had to shift to a brand new blog site and officially, 07/11/2008 will be my last blog entry in howtarts.blgspot.com. Something happened concerning my blog entry and I swear to god that I will never ever want to go through all these again.

Anger, emotional, tears, laughter, boredom. Some of my entries were blogged in tears, my dark side of life, a joval side of me, or even grumbling on life's which was never been fair.

My passion of blogging will never stop and my achieve in this blog will be my memories which I will bring to my new blog. For those who are authorised viewer, kindly kept me informed as I had made another blog site which can't be locate by google or yahoo search engine.


Sad to leave, but I have to go. Thanks once again for the support. Bye~

Mum, Dad, Brother, Yiru, Hweemei, Peishi, Adeline, Meihui, Kim kok, Aizhong, Cream, Poh Liyan, CJ Ren, Lawrence Poh, Kaixiang, Xinwei, Amanda, Affendi, Melvyn, Zulkifli Mansor, Kenneth.

The above-mentioned people wishes me on my Birthday's, which was Yesterday. I will TRY to remember their birthday, I promise. A message, a phone call or a sincere wishing will be sufficient. Someone had forgotten my Birthday's. May be it's not that important or worthwhile remember.

A quarter century exsitence in this Earth, I declared myself 25 years old.

Guys, this will be my last blog for this webbie. Will be shifting to a new blog site soon with less publicity and with non work-related entries thereafter. Those close one will have the access. Will be setting the blog site without engine search and execise more caution.

Thanks for the understanding and I wish everyone well. =)

Announcement

I will be temporarily stop blogging and will be shutting down this blogger site due to some reason. This blog site was publicly scrutinised lately and I hope the Saga will be put to an end. Thanks for keeping this blog alive for the past 4 yrs+.

Time might ticker off gradually, for what I know she has not left my heart at all. Even when she was around, the telepathy of us seem to malfunction somehow.

Finally I gave up the ownership of the vios car. Well, nothing turns ugly and it was after much consideration. I am not under any financial crisis, I am getting better I suppose. Having a car is a long term liability and I can't save much monthly. I would rather gave up the luxury of waking up slightly late then to see big sum of money pouring into transport. Taking LRT to work became my routine and life's back to normal once again. For the past 3 months, its like an another episode of my life. Gazing back to the path I had walked, I regretted not to cultivate myself on the habit of savings and instead dumping all the hard earn money into the gambling pool.

That's my mistake in life. Take it and move on. My attitude remains as I vowed to clear my name. I don't wanna be a hardcore useless gambler like what you see in the anti gambling advertisement on channel 8. It shows a selfish Dad branching out his arms to his Daughter, not to hug her tightly with love but to lure away the piggy bank she was holding. '我的手气不错,就一把。'

We tend to make mistake in life but most importantly is to learn and realise what was wrong. Some people take a life time to learn, some only learn when the situation is beyond control and some even still making the same old mistake. Yes, I am 25 this Nov and seem like it is still not to late to realise what I had missed out. I wanna travel overseas and see thing, seating on my first flight on air. Not again the old me, I swear.

It's not everything u feel can be blog down. Sometimes the true feelings shall be kept unsaid as those might be hurtful to others. Over the years, I blog with my own opinion, said what I really wanted to said, but now I should refrain myself from doing so and Hendry Blog is no longer a diary of his heart. I learnt to withdraw my emotional feelings and keep mum.

It's the truth that will be the most hurtful, but that's also what people wanna know. But how much can one's take the hurtfulness? I don't wanna be fake and truthful. At the other hand, I don't wanna lie and able to face life's with faith. I am in a dilemma. I did not let you down and I am sorry it has come to an end. I hope you will live life to the fullest. Here I wish u all the best.

Officially took custody of it on 13/06/08. So far received 2 summon tickets courtesy of Auntie Fatimah from the United Premas , not a good sign. Today my first Car Wash with waxing. Din know that will take so much time of the day. All in all, it's quite satisfying after the polish was done. Will frequent to Malaysia for petrol refuel.

Malaysia Current Shell Oil Price: RM2.70 / Litre (SGD$1.15)
Singapore Current Shell 98 Oil Price: SGD$2.26 / Litre

Now you know why so many of the local cars owner are heading to Malaysia. Every Litre can simply save about a dollar per litre.

Dear wanted to tag along as her passport was expired. She gave me a photo during her teenage time and I will help her to process the rest. But seriously she don't resemble much from the photo. She was much more skinny as compared to the past with no more baba and fishball cheek. No worries as I will spoon feed her with lotta food. That's my objective and I think it will be accomplished in near future. =p

Good news.

Police Force is introducing a new set of retention scheme which take effect on Oct 08. The new scheme is introduce to keep officer's from leaving the force. Total package worth 30K. It was targeted at junior officer's and to stop ppl like us from leaving. Upon completion of my 5 years bond, I would be offered to sign another 2 years bond and 20K will be bank in to my account in Oct 09. On the 8th year, another 10K will be given for an additional 1 year bond.

That's an additional payout on top of the old scheme. Which was given on the 6th,8th,10th and 12 yrs. Huge Figure if you add everything up.

Come tomorrow will be the official day where I take custody of my Brother Vios Car. A new lifestyle is much awake. Amanda actually pick me up from home today and I felt so blissful and pampered. Her driving skill was above average among the lady drivers' and thumb up for her professionalism by not posing any danger to the road users.

Cheese! She can drive with a single hand. *Clap ClaP CLaP*

Almost turn her head towards the camera when I told her not to do so. Drive carefully ah ger. May be I shouldn't praise her? =p

Thanks to those who accompanied me for the past 6 months during the dark side of my life. I tried and forcefully accepting a few but in the end I know my true feelings. I back off after realising that I was not right to be in that mode of feelings. When two person of the opposite sex got close, it's very hard to mantained that friendship. I does not want to hurt someone feelings when I know I does not have the strength to mantain the friendship. No one can really hide their true inner feelings when time is there to reveal the truth.

To many people surprise, I accepted a new relationship. her name is Amanda. I hope to let her live happily and forget about the unhappy past, just like me.


Wish me luck. =)

Loving you (02/06/08-03/06/08)- 24hrs Marathon

loving you is easy cuz you're beautiful
making love with you is all i wanna do
loving you is more than just a dream come true
cuz everything that i do
is out of loving you
la la la…
do…lu…ho…
no one else can make me feel
the colors that you bring
stay with me while we grow old
and we will live each day in springtime
loving you has made my life so beautiful
everyday of my life
is filled with loving you
loving you i see your soul come shining thru
everytime that we
ooh i'm more in love with you

This reminds me of you when you sang this song. A romance song that you will never feel sick of listening it again and again. Forget about the Genting Post. Am I dreaming or a false interpretation?

Hi ppl! My 200th posts will be in Genting! Currently lazying at the old town white coffee cafe. Will be back to Sg in the late evening. Ciaoz!

Managed to sneak through the whole day. Worse day when I went to Sec Sch and done some preaching on problematic student. Wondering if the teacher saw me with the ear stub, how they feel? there was one incident whereby the teacher asked the student to surrender his ear rings. Too bad I can't remove, perhaps another week or so.

I felt so carefree with my new appearance. I felt a sense of confident doing what I desire to do. That's me. Crystal Clear me.

I am good to go! Setting off later @ 5am. This will be my 199th posts. I hope I will be back with loads of findings with the 200th post. I might not be back. Accident might happen and come tomorrow I might varnished from the world. I am traveling in a private saloon car. I might get crashed in a traffic accident. You never know as life is far too unpredictable. It would be a long journey, estimated travel time about 6hrs. In 2000, I went to Ipoh with my sec school friend's for one of the sec classmate relative visit and I spent a week down there. I love the simple living lifestyle down there and hope to visit once again.

The last time I left this island to another and spend an overnight was in year 2005 @ Pulau Ubin, where I just got together with bbdd. The most memorable time was the SMS received from her. 'No reception? But I still want to say good night to you, be back soon and I really misses you.' Closing to night time, I cycled alone all the way from the far end shore area with the torch light infront to the jetty just to get the reception and managed to speak to her! I remember it was very dark when I reached the jetty. That was the sweetest moment of my life which I would kept it in me for long, a nostalgia for my past relationship.

I am leaving and hope I will be back soon. This might be my last blog of my life. Time flies but I still misses you. I hope you will live happily and really hope things will turn out better for ya.

Going off to bed now. Gd nite pals.

Metallic Bracelet @ $30/-.


Piercing @ $12.


Finally. I'd completed my ear piercing @ Boon lay Gem, Bt Panjang Plaza, 1815hrs. I will use this long leave period to formalize the ear hole, will insert ear stick thereafter.

My last ear piercing back dated to year 2004. I removed it due to my Police Interview and it was inserted barely 3 days. Since then, the ear hole varnished. Work tml but heck care. Will try to avoid my left ear against member of public, my Team Leader etc.

Genting Genting here I come!

Just came back from my Night Shift. 10 days of leave commences now. I mean NOW. Yeah..NOW LA! tick tock tick tock...

That will be 240hrs without putting up that uniform. The hot weather is killing me with that suit, that toopid never-get-cold aircon car is having a green house effect. Practically, everything screwed up. But I will be on my longest leave spell since the day I started working.

Im dead beat. Time to lala land. Blog another day. gd nite.

http://policecoop.org.sg/

Save for the rainy days! Increased my monthly subscription savings from $90 to maximum contribution of $200 in July 08. Will be getting my yearly increment of $100+ next month, so made up my decision to dump all $ in the savings account. That's my retirement fund beside the retention bonus in 6th,8th,10th and 12th years of service. Imagine saving $2400 annually, when I retired in 25 years time, should have $60k in my account. Huge figure.

Think things through. To let others feel secured, the first thing to do is to feel secured with yourself. Don't you think so?

Drink, Drank, Drunk

May 10
Short Malaysia JB trip with cousin and gf. Jammed at the custom for 2 over hours. Din haf much time for shopping and abit disappointed not to haf purchase anything except chewing gum?

May 13 Bowling
played 7 games of bowling @ West Bowl with Ham and JR. Addicted to bowling! In the end the bowling alley became a gambling den. Top game finisher got $2 and $1 from others. Strike @ $1, Spare @ $0.50! Arms and butt cramped on the following day and still recovering.

My Best game - Killer Hen @ 156, eventually won JR 'Turkey'. hehe..The fun and addictive part is when the ball spin and you managed to strike!


JR Positioning before his spare.



Socks purchase down there. 'I love Bowling' iconic socks cheap for sales. Pls don't concentrate your vision on my hairy hair.

May 14
It's Hz BD. Sorry pal that I got nothing for you. Went Marina watch What happened in Las Vega. I think that triggered my next objective...


(My River Island Long Sleeves Shirt with tie, my Most X Suit)

as follows:

May 24-26 Genting
Already took leave for the short Genting Trip. Time for relaxation and getaway. =) Pamper myself more then usual. Can I be a millionaire?

Went Vivo with Ham and Hz. Watch Sex is Zero 2. Extremely hilarious. The sex scene was presented in a comical way. Laugh through out the show. The ending was very very touching. The actress still chose her true Love then leaving to the United State with the guy she don't love. Typical story line. But presented very well. Almost cry for it. Comically speaking, I still think Super Hero is more funny.

Shopping addiction. I think I brought my 3rd Adidas Shirt within a month. Cool. Country Spain, Germany Euro 2008 Conference Jersey. Golden lining attracts my attention. Think gonna stop those shopping spree before my pocket ozone layer got wider. =~(


Soccer again. Had a crash with some Malay player at the Bb court. His foot impact on my ankle. Lost balance and my leg had a great impact on the floor. I'm injured. Any medic around?

Erm..that's gross. It's like a piece of raw meat, hair yet to remove. Soon it will be hooked on those pork store. Someone said I'm skinny. It's a compliments?

1st May - Labour Day

Humid Weather is killing me during the soccer game. Din know who took my fone for the snap shot. Might as well posted here. This is a basketball court. Illegally playing here for over a decade.

I am not inside the pic. An example of a pic taken by a bad photographer.

Rite after the soccer game, invited by other team colleagues for a game of mahjong. Luck was on my side. Won $278 for the night. Spectacular tiles! My winnings tiles called '大三元'. Where the red, white and green dragons met. 自摸 fa cai 5 tais! $43 each. Never in my life I won that set of tiles. Happily took out my phone and snap it. Hehe...very satisfying.


2 May

Finally collected my biometric passport @ Immigration & Checkpoint Authority. Went there during peak hours. 226 in the Que before me. I nearly fainted when I look at the Que display. Fortunately It took me only 1 hr and 20mins before my turn comes. Malaysia here I come!

Watch Iron Man @ West Mall. 4.5 stars out of 5. It's a must watch blockbuster. The graphic was fantastic and storyline was well plot. Promised to watch with Hz already, think I don't mind to watch it again for the second time. Worth it! Brought a black 'High Sierra' Sling bag @ $66/-. Can considered love @ 1st sight. Entered the shop in less than 3mins and made my decision. It took me a few months to find a replacement bag. That's fate, a strange thing to say. Gd bye to the old torn 'Square' sling bag purchased @ Plaza, thanks for keeping by my side to work for the past 1 year. =)

Work again for tml morning. Hope tml will be a beautiful Sat with less ppl complaining about their life. Hope no more stupid complainant. Gambate!

It's been A MONTH since I last purchase a pack of cigarette. I did it! I would like to thank those ppl who provide me with cigarettes when I need them desperately. Will try to cut down on the number of stick to be taken from you guys. The craving will always be there when you are at home, saw someone around you lighting a stick or even when you are feeling down. Strangely, I does not have much urge to smoke during work. In fact, I smoke less than a stick through out my working of this month.

- My longest run of smoke-less: 4 days+
- The most sticks I smoke throughout the day of this month : 4 sticks
- On Average I smoke about 2 sticks per day.

Don't ask me how I got my statistic for the last pointer, I did not record down daily. That's based on average.

It's not easy I admit. It's a habit, a support and a kind of needs which you can't really replace. But still you need to overcome that addiction habit and deal with the lost of support which was not around anymore. It's still a month since I last pledged to quit. Let's not have too high expectation on me as I am a lone ranger. Go work soon. Wish me luck~.

My Leave spell will come to an end today. Quite packed on my schedule. It's enriching? lol.

25/04
Went to ECP on friday for a bicycle ride. It's almost 2 years since I last cycle at ECP. Fonds memories were there. I take that and cherish the past.

26/04
I failed my practical 1.02 on sat. It's all my fault, playing overnite Mj and proceed to ride thereafter. Abit blur and was quite disappointed with my performance. Complacent and tot Practical stage 1 wun haf failure. My morale somehow was affected. I am not giving up and will go again for 1.02. Later in the evening, went to May Day Concert @ Singapore indoor stadium. My frd happen to haf free tix, so just go since I haf nv experience live concert b4. May be the seating arrangement was not ideal, so not that 'High'? Free Tix, what you realli expect? But overall still quite interesting to be there. The last time I went Sg Indoor Stadium was during City Harvest celebration of Easter Day about 6-7 years ago?

27/04
It's Kara 4eva Ok @ Cineleisure, KBox. It's my 1st time going for K Buffet from 1800hrs to 2200hrs. The buffet is worth it! Ate quite alot while singing, it's like sing-eat mixed Marathon. Enjoyed myself and try the new song - Yang Zhong Wei , Yan Cong. Win appraises and clapping from the audience. At that few mintues of singing, I felt that I was like a superstar. Lol. The most impt thing in life is to feel appreciated in whatever things which you do. Thks pal in making me occupied and wanted. Friendship is what will see through for the rest of your life.


Heard that they are going for R21 movie - Sex is Zero 2 on Tues. The last time I went for a R21 movie was to watch Saw 3? Sneak into the theatre with quick steps. Again, memories! Thks for everything! Seriously I haf moved for now. I sit down and think again and asked myself what I am feeling. Yes, I really moved on and will take those sweet memories with me. I felt happy for myself and hope you will be fine ba. Stay trouble free and jiayou jiayou ar~!

guys! Im back from my 1st Practical @ BBDC. it's so fun when I can actually make the bike move, all by myself. it's an amazing feeling!

Entered a room where instructors' will call upon the student via stage progression. We were wearing different colour jersey. Don on the knee and elbow gear. here I go! Initially, much of the time was spend on the introduction on the specs and operation of the motorbike by the instructor. Moving off the vehicle by main stand parking by side stand, engaging of crunch lever, starter switch to turn on the engine, opening of throttle. Very interacting and knowledge packed. =)

There was this Indian gal who can't really handle the bulky bike and it collapse to the side. I helped her once and my engine stalled due to that! We move off to the short circular route using gear 1. Mishandled the bike and instructor keep reminding thru the loud hailer:

'Keep both of your legs to the engine to stabilized!'

'maintain half clutch'

'Don't brake too hard!'

So round and round, learning to stop the bike using the front and rear brake. The said Indian gal still at one corner learning the basic. =P

Riding half way through, slight drizzling and have to put on the smelly rain coat. The instructor quite humor and cracked jokes. There was once I nearly con by him. Is there a reverse gear for motorbike? What do you use to reverse? Ans: Using both of your legs.

After the practical 1.01 completed, trying to prove i'm passionate, went to book the basic theory on the same day @ 2005hrs, practical 1.02 on this coming Sat in the morning @ 0800hrs! Jiayou to me. Planning to buy a phantom bike for relaxation. hee hee..

Have to admit that life's not easy. Generally living expenses in Singapore have raised. I know being a Singaporean for now is not easy. People are living in tension, depression and stressed up without them knowing. The most impt things is to keep cool and be focused on what you really want. Don't get too puzzled in life because it was too short for you to consider and think. Stay happy and lead a fulfilled life, not just by surface but to exude from our true inner feelings.

I lost part of my life focus and was trying to pick myself up from the bottom. Things that don't kill you will make you stronger. I totally agree to that. I used that piece of set back and converted it to another form of energy and willpower. Call it a failure or another form of learning. It's depending on how you see things from a certain angle. I try not to blame myself too much and trying to lead a better life. Altot i cant certify myself as a success man. One thing for sure, I am a better man as compared to the past and emerged with a stronger personality.

Demon visited my mind once again. The sequence repeated again and again. Can really spare me off? I don't know how long it will last and how long I will take to leave those memories aside. I swear to god that I will never ever go through it again.

Sometimes I think I have high hope in you. May be I shldn't expect too much from someone I just knew. But strange to say, it's like knowing her for quite some time. Still observing but I try not to put too much hope in it. Let's be fair and be friend's ba. =)

Slept about 4 hrs and had a bad dream earlier on. I hurt someone with a dart, thinking that I can kill of him. May be I am deployed as a killer? Eventually he was chasing me from far. I panicked and run towards the main road and managed to hog on to the cab. He nearly got me! Next moment, I waken up. Strange dream, anymore can interpret the true meaning?

currently my life is all about quitting smoking and class 2B. So far, I am quite satisfied with my progress and drive. I did not purchase cigarettes for 3 weeks already. It's a lonely success, no one can really share my joy.

I am such a loser in the past. I dislike the old me and trying very hard to get a life now. I might be leaving Choa Chu Kang NPC soon. I am still considering on whether should I join the Division Investigation Branch and say good bye to my uniform? It's a great opportunity for me to get out. Greater aspect and I am able to widen my police knowledge, to see the full picture of investigation flow. From the moment the accused was arrested,to the point of prosecution and judge verdict. Will be meeting up the Chief Investigation Officer this coming In-service. I am so nervous. Some people say just try and you never know whether you will succeed. It will be a big big step across my comfort zone. Should I take the offer?

A frd of mine borrowed me his Helmet. Practical may commence soon, another of my frd is joining me, yeah! To learn bike at the age of 25 might sound silly. Alot of people was surprised to hear when I told them that, some even say I'm Siao. I don't really bothers what others said as my ears were dead.

One fine day, I might died in a Road Traffic Accident. I don't blame anyone, but just my luck. I remembered once driving at near to Woodlands Bus Interchange, almost head-on with a TIBS bus. That's closest shave! I might stopped blogging one day and you wonder why I took so long to update my entry. Wondering beside my family's, who really misses me out there. Life's always full of unprecitable event that you will never foresee what's coming ahead. Things which you don't expected to happen, might occurred without you awaring. Gradually I am able to see the full picture and came to realised what had transpired.

Ohh ya, sad to say, the continuation of car plan might not be fulfilled. Dispute broke off once again. What to do. Lately, been giving people attitude, mainly because I chose to protect myself even more after the previous set back. Finding Girlfriend's? Erm...I admit that I am lonely, but seriously I don't find a partner simply because of lonliness. I came to know that I am afraid of loneliness but seriously doesn't wish to go through all these again and again. It's time to put a full stop and fulfill whatever I want now. Gambate!

My passport is ready for collection! Finally I can step out of Singapore after so many years! More time for makan session @ Malaysia, visiting nite spot etc. My top propriety is still to obtain my Class 2b. Don't worry, my inner Engine still running abruptly. Will be reading up the theory books at nite as to prepare myself better for the evaluation.

flipping thru the pages...

(-_-)" Zzzz..Zz...zZ...

Hectic day. 4 hrs of talk @ BBDC for the Riding Theory Lesson. Greedy me, took 2 sessions in a day. It's been a while since I last sat in a room and listen to people talk for few hrs. The last time it occurred was during my poly dayz. While entering the BBDC, saw one young lady weeping. She was holding on to a slip while the other hand was on the line. Guess I know what happened earlier on.

Basic Theory Lesson will be postsponed since I can take anytime while I am having my practical. Soon will be purchasing my personal Helmet and get some long sleeves t-shirt. Time 2 start my practical! Update u guys again. Going off 2 lala land already. nite~

Leaving home in this hot weather. Almost fainted while walking under the red hot sun.


BBDC! It's cloudy on the clear blue sky. Wait for quite some time after the self enrolment. The Receptionist keep laughing at me because I am damn blur. I was freaking steam while attended by her. Anyway, went for briefing orientation rite after the registration. There's this guy who was very eager and enthu, same like me, jz enrolled. 4pm Basic Theory he's going.

Spare me off, I can't till that late and need to go home for some rest. Don't look down on me also, I booked my Basic Theory Lesson (BTL) 1.01 and 1.02 on 23 and 28 Apr, Riding Theory Lesson (RTL) both 1.01 and 1.02 tomorrow (One Stone Kill 2 Bird). I will jiayou and work hard towards my little small dream!


That's all the proof! Gonna start picking up the books and study. =/

4 days 2 hrs and 6 Mins, 5886 Mins or u can say 353160 Secs without nicotine. I am half way thru to a healthy lifestyle. I resist the temptation of smoking even on one mahjong occasion where 3 smokers was sitting around me. I did not even smoke a puff or demand a stick. I passed the test! The patch which I brought was handed over to one of my colleague who haf the thought of quitting. I can be an Anti Smoking Ambassador's in near future. I ceased the patching on 02/04/08 due to side effect.

Record Breaking Timing: 11/04/08 @ 0900hrs - 15/04/08 @ 1106hrs.

I know I can do it and was pleased with my determination and persistent in getting rid of my 6 yrs old friend's. My joy's were to be share all by myself. I spent on average about $5 a day on cigarettes,$1825 annually and $10950 for the past 6 years. Amazing figure!

Just submitted my passport application by mail after the old one was expired long ago! I wanted to travel overseas soon, that's my next stop, be it neighbouring countries or somewhere further. Tired after night shift, will be proceeding down to BBDC alone for bike enrollment NOW although I am freaking tired. Thanks for the pushing and its really works well on me. I don't procrastinate like the past. I am able to take care of myself now. I know I can live a better life and filling up my little dream and fulfillment. Here I am, setting off to the driving centre. BBDB here I Come!

我不服

放心吧我不是你的包袱
只害怕你为他走错路
你说命运是未知数
我可不可以让你想清楚
空气潜伏爱情的病毒
我这次不一定能康复
两个人赢一个人输
有快乐就有苦我心中有数

爱就这么结束
我不服
可是如果你幸福
我一定不哭
我心中大喊
我永远也不认输
但是我可以
虔诚为你祈福
爱怎么能结束
我不服
我给不起的幸福
是一种残酷
你送我一份孤独
当分手礼物
原来我和他早已分出胜负

Argh! I accidental closed down my blogging entry. All gone! Erm..lazy to type it all again and will keep it in pointers form:

- Just completed my night run
- Numbness stretched out to the whole body, It was so frustrating!
- The Anti Smoking Campaign will be ongoing just like the recapture of Mas Selamat.

I will hang on!

I was being nonsense and behaving like a fool on the Apr Fool Day. I text nonsense, tink like a fool and I know you wun reply because you haf better things to do. I am Sorry for being revengeful. I am Sorry to text you those nonsense and hope you will ignore it as I was drunk on that night. You may disappear right after that night. I am prepared and no regrets. I will live a better life for now. Started to make friend's with enemy, don't blame me.

I smk less than 4 sticks of cigarettes since 01/04/2008 @ 0922hrs. I inhaled 2 PUFF of cigarettes for the past 40hrs (inhale... exhale, inhale once again and finally exhale, that's all). I will keep on trying and never give up on myself.

Its been frustrating for me for this few days. The nicorette patch had relief myself from withdrawal symptoms of not smoking. I think I had suffered the less common side effects of urticaria. My arms which I applied the patch was feeling numb now. I had stopped applying it since today's morning and currently fighting on my own and determined to win the battle against running nose and phlegm. I feel like punching someone on the face and bite them real hard on their arms. Can anyone render the assistance? Will be running later to stop myself from thinking. I want to be healthy and evergreen!

I know I can do it. I believe anything is possible and was suprised that I am able to go this far. I don't know where I got the strength to fight on even I was witnessing the darkness side of my life. May be it's human willpower?

A brand new start comes later - 01/04/2008. It's an April fool's day for most people out there, where jokes and laughter’s were spread among others. I told you that it was not a joke to you, that’s my most sincere love to you even I do not possessed much confident in it. Two solid years ago, I stepped out from my shadow and to trust love once again. A year ago, you told me that we will spend our anniversary in years to come. 2nd, 3rd, 4th and...Much more years to come. You gave me our 1st and last Anniversary album. Sitting down on the staircase landing, where we shared and flipping thru every pages of the album, all the past memories were like Yesterday's. How thoughtful to give me that piece of memories on that special day. I will remember that all my life. That's our longest relationship till date. No one can change that statement for another year to come. There will always a hidden secret on the day we brought the ring. You will never be reveal on my secrets.

I know we will never meet again. Stop telling deceiving yourself that u r able to face me as a frd. I know you can’t because I had given you 3 over months. Deep down in my heart, I had certified you with a death certificate as you are no longer existence in my life. You left secretly on 09/12/2007. I was disappointed in you, not because you left for another guy, but done it in a quick instance. May be I don’t really know you that well as what you mentioned.

Today, I am left with 4 sticks of Cigarettes. I will start my rehab with effect from today. I can’t find another meaningful day to end my empty promise which I never fulfill. That was the last thing that I will do for you.

Thanks for leaving me with a great positive impact which I never felt before.
Thanks for making me a better person for my future.
Thanks for making me to realize that I am such a bad boyfriend’s in the past.
Thanks for spending my wonderful 1 year 8 months and 8 days with me.

Sorry for mistreating you in the past and made you gave up on me eventually.
Sorry that I can’t see you through the rest of your life.
Sorry that I cried once again while blogging. I can’t stop my tears from flowing down my cheeks.

I can’t face you as a friend’s. I had wakened up from my dream and stopped deceiving myself. You will be my Bao Bei Dear Dear for life’s come what may. You may have your darling’s or any form of address to him. I don’t care and was demanding on you. Bao Bei, I will offload you now. One day you might realize how crazy I am now. How greatly you were felt by me after you had gone. One fine day, I still hope you will say I love you once again in my ears. I know I am serious about the statement today. I will let you go now…

I will start my nicorette patching later. Wish me all the best in quitting smoking.

It’s a mixed feeling. ‘我为你高兴 为自己伤心 好复杂的情绪’ Remember 林宥嘉 - 我愛的人 and I want to remember me whenever you heard of this song. Last but not least, 一定要幸福喔。


Loves, Bao Bei Dear Dear.

Phase I of room revamping was completed. =)

Yesterday went to a neighborhood furniture shop @ Bukit Batok with my Brother. Here’s my satisfying acquisition which I captured with economical budget:

Computer table- $ 69/- (Best Buy)


Gd bye to the 6 yrs old IKEA computer table, it will be greatly missed.


Drawer $69/- (Wooden made with solid wood finish.)


Display stand $16/- (Chip pine wood)


Also share cost with my Brother and brought a rocking chair for my Dad’s. Though I only contribute a little. It’s the thoughts that count?

My $1 system about less than half filled. Get more sunshine near to the window to grow. =P



I will be entering into the phase II of the project. That’s including repainting of room, final touch up to be done. It will be on hold awhile due to my Bike 2B mission. It will be completed no matter what, update you guys again as I am heading off for work. Cya!

烟火

是否还记得
一起看烟火
我在你眼里看到闪烁
冷冽的寒风把你吹向我
抱你在我怀中没想太多
爱情里的心动常常让我难以去捉摸
付出感情太多原来多情人总被伤的最重
想起你的拥抱这感觉
短暂纪念在你我之间
有时说变就变就像烟火
下一秒消失不见
想起你的微笑这画面
短暂纪念放在心里面
你说过的永远留在昨天
就当它是我最美的纪念...

I am out of poverty with effect from today, 25 March 2008. I am glad that I persistently hold my belief. Ta da! I am really out of the trouble because deep down inside of me, I know the stage of insecurity to others was over. Time to welcome the bright boy boy, Mr Hendry Yap.

Remember my 2005 friendster blog entry? That $1 coins system. During that time, it collapsed due to my gambling habit. I changed all the coins. On 20/11/2007, the system is back on track. Now the little cute angel is growing taller and taller as days goes by. As a parents of it, I hope this time round it will grown to full height. No matter what happened in future, I will see 'it' through. I am not counting on the amount and prefer to be in mystical. I will take a photo shot of it soon. =0)

I swear to god that I WILL NEVER EVER TURN BACK TO MY OWN SELF. I will be a better man for my future.

Mark my word as I can't afford to be a promise breaker again...

I am really grateful that you do care my feelings even until now. I know you read my blog and answer to my prayer. Thanks bao bei dear dear. I can't stop myself from addressing you with that because I know even if you left, you will always be my one and only bao bei dear dear. Too bad that no one can turn back time. A mistake is all it takes to lose the battle. I know that I had taken you for granted in the past. I am sorry once again. I am human after all. I take things for granted and only learnt after you left. Sometimes I was wondering if I changed for the better and you doesn't give up on me, will I stand a chance?

You will always be my life time regret. No matter who came into my life thereafter, I still felt you are my only love. Perhaps in future, someone will enter into my life. I might fall in love once again. But let me assure you that no matter who I met, you are still my most loved.

Sorry for being so emo on my last SMS. I know you might run away because of my reply. My love for you will still be the same as compared to the past. I think its even deeper. You left for another person but I still hope he's the right man for you ba. Thanks for leaving me and make me a better person. It a painful lesson to learn from.

I quit gambling for your sake. I will try to be a family man and treat my parents with all my heart and soul. I will respect elderly with no nonsense. I will fulfill all the empty promises which I never provide you. I will quit smoking for you because that's my biggest disappointment which I fault on you.

I will still hope for miracle. That slim chance. That foolish me thinkings. I am just like a drunk person who doesn't wish to be sober. Let me be naive in our relationship because you haven't say break off until now. I still treat you like a two timer bao bei.

Enough of my silly thoughts. I think I am abit tipsy. Time to sleep now as I am left with 3 hrs and 23 mins before my morning shift starts. Once again, thanks thanks for the SMS today because it really mean alot to me...

Thinking things through.

No matter how you changed your blog layouts by removing the achieves and photos, you will never get out of the shadow. If your past is that embarrassing to be reveal to others, than why not change your blog address and you can start blogging a new life once again. I am not trying to be a interrupter and dictate what you should do. I am in no position anymore. I am here to give you another helping hand, an option that goes well with the direction which you are heading to. I am your blog reader as you know. I know you may detest me from reading and doesn't feel comfortable when I reads. That's why you are indecisive of changing a blog address. You don't have to prove to me that you can mantain the old address. I know you can't and will soon change a new blog. Trust me, I know you too well, you will still change eventually. If you decided to change, definitely I am not part of the plan and you had decided to remove me away. I know and please don't deny. I accept that.

Our past is nothing to cherish, our heart felt moments will be left in the past. I know you doesn't want to carry with you now. Let it go, forget about me. I know you are doing well now. Friend's or not does it matters now? I know you can't accept me as a friend's. Stop deceiving yourself as I know you will never speak up for yourself. You don't owe an explanation because I had realised it all gradually...

You don't have to bother me actually. Whatever things I've said here is my point of view. I know you will never call, msn or SMS me anymore and I can't look forward to it. I know I am a stranger now. Suan le ba. You do whatever things you like, as long as you are happy with it.

Again and again, I tell myself that if you are 'xingfu', nothing reall concerns. Jiayou ba.

Growth Bonus 0.5 mth
Performance Bonus (PB) 1 mth

Yeah! Just checked my payroll account. Will be getting additional 1.5 mth of salary this coming 25 March. It's alot more than what I've expected. I will use portion of it to clear all my credit card bills. Finally I can turn over a new leaf. Now whatever $ come in is so important to me. I need to save. I quit gambling as promised. I really start to think now because you made me realise I am that unsecured in the past. I hope I am not too late for a change ba.

The world is that small. The connection is that close. Sometimes it's ridiculous to know that the world is so small. I am amazed. There are so many unknown people that I came to know, was actually reading and having a close view of my blog. Even thought no comments was left down, I deed them as anonymous.

Blogging was meant to make public and to let people have a view of my life, there was nothing to hide, true feelings. My past, my present and future plan are all in it. For the past 2 years, you might be checking on my blog to see another people's life. I just came to know and can't stop myself to believe that the world is so tiny. So much things happened lately and it there is this chance to let me know how you feel 2 years back. What actually transpired in between? I sympathized your feelings only now as I suffered the same fate as you. Don't ever hold grudges on me even we were strangers. To my knowledge, I know things had ended before I stepped in. I don't even know you in person. That's only when we are connected once again purely by chance. Let the bygones be bygones. The past was history. Stop living in the past because it's so painful if you remained in that position. I followed your foot step, I guess it's karma?

2 years back at the playground. A day to remember, the journey started on that playground. When I looked back, that was a sweet moments to hold on to. May be the ending doesn't look complete to me, but I had recovered 85% and will be eager to see what's coming to my life. An experience to gain in a harsh manner. A phobia that was not easily to overcome.

Just wanna be single for quite some time before I am able to kiss a girl with love...Seriously it's really hard to present the kisses to someone that you doesn't love. The next time you kiss someone, just visualise in your mind on how the person gonna lead you to...if you puked or don't feel alright, stop it and push that person to the ground because some true feelings might exude from your true self and stop you from progressing. Try it.

I know you will be reading this sooner or later. Although I don't know you in person. I just felt that you are lucky. You see the amber light in her. You are making effort to salvage the relationship. let me share my story. I see myself in you and I see her with my previous one. I was in the stage of shock, disbelief with some agony when my ex left me. Please don't take things for granted because there isn't a secured love. At least you got to sense something amiss and you are taking the necessary action to save this love.

I envy you in certain way. I hope you will success in your attempt. I am toothless now and was plainly mantaining a friendship with her. I don't know how you enter to my world of blog. Seriously I am not someone with motive. I sincerely wish you all the best in that. Don't worry about me going out with her. Because she still feel a thing for you and doesn't belongs to the heartless type. I put my testimonial to that.

Jia you Mr Xx!

Life's been tough working in the current condition. I was like kana last min Mas Selamat Deployment. Again, my coming Sat 2nd off will be burn! Tao Yan! After my team reshuffled, there was a couple of slackers and idlers came into my team. Those MC kings who always throw MC during the shift, you know who you are. This has greatly affected my morale of working. but I still persistently felt that I should not take MC, always possess with a hard working attitude. Remember I was paid to perform my duty. Seem like my team leader doesn't appreciate my hard work. Always tend to take advantage of me. That's sad, I was being 'misused'.

Can't wait to get my next rank and to be transferred out. Sick and tired of the routine work in the NPC. If nothing goes wrong, it will be in June 09 for the rank to arrive. Under Bo Bian act, I took over the role of a Group Leader in Jan 08 after my previous group leader left for Investigation Branch. Being a group leader, they are so many files to be monitor by me. Calling here and there to complainant and check if there's re occurrence of incident. I have this charbor policewoman under my group. Direct her to help me la. Haha..can bully her. She's an auntie la, altot she's 27 nia, her action damn AUNTIE! Married with one kids, always complainant about her work. Another newly joined officer under my group. Think I am one of the junior group leader in the NPC. My Team Leader is a no-nonsense man who will only talk about work related stuff. Always call my mobile phone and say 'Henry (He always spell my name wrongly), have you done with this and that?' Always like to threaten us with pusnishment if things were not done nicely for him. We are policeman, not police boy boy. I can't stand him!! Mama de, feel like one day TIO with him. Senior officer's I show some respect loh. LPPL, Tahan! Still not in talking term with another of my colleague. Diaoz.

Yesterday doing NPP duty, all my colleague engaging outside. Heavy downpour almost the entire day. Shiok! My colleague just drop by with a packet of rice and left. Pathetic me was eating alone. That's very sad to have your meal all alone. :-(





Took photo of me while resting on the antique sofa. Sometimes I was wondering if I look better with a dyed hair and ear piercing. I like wearing long sleeves shirt as it appears smart. I regret joining the force with so much restriction! Find one period of time where I will take a 2 weeks leave and do a ear piercing. I ought to pamper myself and do a make over!

Before day shift, went to The Villa Bali located at lock road, near to CMPB depot road. very ulu. It was an outdoor chilli out bar that's so relaxing! Heard friend's mentioning before but never been there. I loved the place to the rock! Can only have mocktail cause I am driving. Strictly no alcohol because drink and drive don't mix.

If nothing goes wrong, I will take full custody of my bro car by this month. Will be saving up on my March bonus. YEAH! Really enjoy driving with a carefree feel. I would want to explore further place around the island that are interesting. there are so many place to go. Enough of the Su ku life. SFH462L, bring me out more often okie! I know someone can make me realise my dream, we shall see!

Your blog was never clear since a few months back. I hope the person that you mentioned in your blog was not referring to me. If it's indeed me whom caused so much harassment,unnecessary tolerating and unrest to you by calling and contacting, I am sorry and will stop every mode of communication. I don't know if I had offended you during the call. I seriously felt that the misunderstanding will be too great for me to resolve if you think in that manner. I know if I confronted you, you might say that's not me, don't think too much etc. Under this fortuitous circumstances where we chatted on that day itself, I can't stop myself from thinking. I am here not to disturb you and no more misunderstanding which I can holds.

If it's not me, please let me know. Sorry for being so troublesome.

Feeling much more better after I had chat with you over the phone. Thanks for entertaining me for 45 mins while you were in the office. Although I am doing much of the talking, somehow I am able to talk to you sensibly. I know you are the only one who can offload the agony in me, the only medicine to my illness. I know you might might not be interested in my life now, I do hope we can still be friend's. It's really not easy, it's a challenge which I am doubtful whether you are willing to undertake. A speedy recovery than what I've expected. I'm 65% recovered. Jiayou ba tarts!

Someone actually talk sense to me. It had enlighten me somehow or rather. In my stage, anything which can pierce into a human heart's and emotional can really make a great impact on me and make me sit and think. Not every ending relationship require an explanation. As I always believe things happen for a reason, sometimes I felt that truth still need 2 b reveal even its hurting. Your way of ending a relationship is cruel and not appropriate. You will always owe me an explanation which I need to know. I will be trapped in a circle making rounds and rounds if you never speak to me again. If you do have a heart, please come fowards and help me.

I dreamt of you for the 3rd times in about a week. That's strange. May be you had varnished from my eye's in a quick instance and I can only see you in my dream. I don't blame you actually. Everyone's has their option of a better life and a better parnter. I just felt disappointed in you not because the effort and love I showered on you previously. It's the kind of treatment I got in the ending stage. I might lost to someone whom possessed a better quality than me. May be my way of expressing love was not greatly felt by you. People changes in different stage of life. Feelings will also fades when time goes by.

I am sensible now. I don't lost control of myeslf as compared to the past. You are not me and will never know so much suffering I am going through. May be you don't even bother about me because you had found someone in your life. You divert your attention and doesn't even want to take a glance on me.

I suppose you had block me from your MSN. I know it's not appropriate for me to pop you a MSG when you bf is around @ your home. I don't blame you either. I am ready for a heart to heart chat with you. When I said that, I am quite certain that I am sensible now. I am happy for you with the life you are having. I need an AAR - After Action Review with you. Will you have time for me?

Wiwawa wahjong is occupying so much of my time. Real life Mj too! 5 pok earlier on @ small auntie hse. Lost $67 but still gt treated KFC feast. lol. Anymore interested can join as a player @ www.viwawa.com

It's addictive! Im reaching Level 6. Hehe..We shall meet on the viwawa table and come one day hope to find more kakis in the real life table!

4 hrs of KTV @ International Building last night. That was the first time I sing so much songs in a few hours. It is the new branch of Party World. Ambience's quite comforting. Sound system was fasntastic. I think we sang about 10 over Duet songs. lol.

She's very stubborn, kept asking me to keep the $30 partial bill. There was this instance where we left the $30 on the sofa and left together. Kaoz. She really never return to take the $. I rushed back later and saw the cleaner had cleared the $ and a box of Strepsils Lozenges on the tray. I quickly take back the items and lied to her that I did not take it after she came out of the toilet.

That's very mean of her, very persistent in another sense. She's a weirdo. Don't behave and look like a normal girl. She's not gorgeous but simply plain. Don't be too complicated. How I wish everyone like me, everything also suan le ba.

SLB, an Abbreviation of SUAN LE BA. If everyone's use that as an approach in life's, it will be an easy going. Don't take things too hard, everything suan le ba suan le ba. Don't hold grudges and don't ever take things to heart always. It's not healthy and if things drag on for too long, it will affect your future. Hmm..thanks for the Strepsils and I was least expected to receive from you. I said I appreciated and was shocked to received a small thoughts even thought anything small to me will create a great impact on me. THKS!

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

I dreamt of you last night. That's a very strange dream which was implying some theories of love to me. I take that as a hint from me, constantly telling me what to do with life's without you. How r u? Hope you are fine now ba. That's all. Just feel like blogging this short entry, that's all.

Have you ever done that b4? 7 yrs after knowing someone, there's a meet up. About 7 yrs ago at Jurong Point, my friend went up to her and got her number. He was accompanied by me. Somehow or rather, we became friend's and surprised to know that we are very much in contact after so many years. Supposedly shld b meeting up at the leap years. 29th Feb. I waited at home for many hours after she was so busy working in the bank. There was this moment where I tot she back off. We meet up on 01.03.08, less than 20 mins after the leap years. Pick her up at her residential and heading to Cine leisure for the movie - The Leap Years @ 0140hrs. When we arrived, tickets were sold off. Shocked but still managed to get a movie slot @ Plaza Singapura 0220hrs.

The show is a must to watch. It was quite a touching story line where the actress can only met this guy once every 4 yrs, at the same place, same location. The way the movie plotted was near perfection.

The shows ended about 0415hrs where we went off to Pandan Reservoir. When I was young, the bus which I took drove past the down slope of the reservoir. I was puzzle to see how a reservoir looks like. Although it was raining, but I still managed to climb up the slope and had a view of the wide wide reservoir. She so called entertained me by bring herself out of the car. Holding on an umbrella while drizzling, walking down the lineal of the reservoir. It was a peace of mind. =)

Went for a short McDonald's Meal where I reached home about 0730hrs. Did not even light up a cigarettes when she never even asked whether I smoke. Took some photos and let's have a view:

This song says much of my feelings now. That's what I felt at this very moment.

我爱的人

我知道故事不会太曲折
我总会遇见一个什么人
陪我过没有了她的人生
成家立业之类的等等
她做了她觉得对的选择
我只好祝福她真的对了
爱不到我最想要爱的人
谁还能要我怎样呢
我爱的人不是我的爱人
她心里每一寸都属于另一个人
她真幸福幸福得真残忍
让我又爱又恨她的爱怎么那么深
我爱的人她已有了爱人
从他们的眼神说明了我不可能
每当听见她或他说「我们」就像听见爱情永恒的嘲笑声...

Miracle will never happen, it was just merely an excuse for someone who refused to believe in facts. Let me be someone that always believe in miracle even thought It's impossible to happen. Some people spent a life time believing in that, some will never trust again. My love life was over. I promise that will be my last time to fall into love that deeply. I had put a full stop to that.

Can I have one last request from you? Help me by changing your blog address? I tried but failed. I still continue to visit your blog site daily and I can't refrain myself from doing so. Call me useless or unreasonable. I don't wanna witness more n more of your intimate photo posted with him in future. I don't wanna envy him anymore and I can't bear to see those sweet and loving comments left down by you, to him. I can't accept the fact that you left with your hands holding to another guy.

I know its a bit too much from me, I know that's your choice to retain your very own blog. That's my one last request for being so selfish. I am sorry and will try to get over it and will be trying extra hard not to disturb you even when I misses you so much before sleep. I promise you that I will not disturb your life. No more pestering for a meet up, I assured you. No more empty promises from me this time round. You got a new life now and I will try to find my way out alone as I know no one can turn back time. The journey to recovery might takes quite some time. I can't give myself a deadline because I had lost my soul and doesn't know what I am living for.

I will keep everything inside me till the day I am able to accept and face you as a friend's. People said that's stupid. People said I am noble. I just replied that that's the true love which I will never forget all my life. But I am just the truthful me towards you. You will always be that special one's in my heart for long.

Always remember I will be there for you always when you need me, no doubt about that. Don't feel hesitant to approach me when I know you are so stubborn. We got nothing to hide OK? You might not hear from me for long, but that doesn't mean you are forgotten. I am just tired and need to go for a break too. Kelvin Tan, M/27 listen to me for one last time. Shower her your love and don't ever leave her alone because she was afraid of loneliness and that's why she accepted you just like that, that's not love but it will nurture if you can win her heart in time to come.

I hope that I had dropped my last tear for you tonight. I hope you can really understand my rationale for doing this. For everything I do, I do it for you. Send my regards to your Mum k? That's all. I really need to go le. All the best my Baobei Dear Dear!

played 3 pok of mahjong after my morning shift and won $360. I was lucky this time round. Hopefully my luck will turn smoothly gradually. Jz play for leisure and not for retirement plan.

I will try to quit smoking aft I got the car. Always give yourself hope to turn over a leaf even thought not everyone believe in u. Well, the car borrowing era shold b over soon. I will continue with the car instalement for a yr or so while taking up my bike licence. I've grown up recently. I don't grudges even thing falls badly on me. It will bring me to nowhere in future if I persistently take those negative thoughts with me. Learn to forgive n forgo those bad experience. One's should always learn from the mistake and carry on with life. Hiding in one dark corner of the void deck. Thinking back, so dubious to treat u in this way. Sometimes I felt I am useless too. My fault for not making the changes.

I don't ask for much for now. Family and Friend's is my concern. After so much things happened lately, I felt that friend's were those who will always b by ur side. Thanks to those to went out with me and cheer me up when I am really down.

My blog, my true feelings that was not meant to be hide. If there's thing to avoid and mislead, then what's the value of your blog?

Kelvin Tan, U better treat Shirley Tan Xue Li nicely. Same sirname, I suppose it will be a perfect match. I dun care who u r, where u from and how flirt u used to be. I dont hold a gd impression on u actually. Pls prove mi wrong in time to come.U must treat her seriously. But never ever mistreat Shirley I tell u! She's someone who will love u wholeheartedly when she really put in effort. Learn to appreciate her thoughts and dont take things for granted. Dont ever con her feeling cos she will never forgive u. Dun ever let her down, Dun ever cheat her feelings cos she is that fragile when lonely. I now hereby pass the repsonsibility of her happiness to u. I will not let u off if u ever take advantage of her!! try ur means to improve her relationship with her Mum whom always having a negative thoughts on her.

I will let go off her because I really love her. Letting go of her is also a form of my love towards her. She will never look back on me cause I am just a passerby. I don't even worth a few hours of her sleep. Beware that I still believe in miracle. I hope u will love her more den I do in future. She need surprises in life. Her horoscope is Gemini. her 21st Birthday's will be on 18th June 2008. its good if u give her a maltese on her 21st birthday or any special date. Thats my intend which I cant fulfill. She love that species to hell. Bring her to somewhere which makes her feel special and impt. Rem to take note of her little hint to u. It be fatal if U miss out. She's very stubborn in nature, even more stubborn den I am. She like 2 potray herself as a superwoman and will want to mantained a strong character in front of her friends. She tend to hide her feelings, its 4 u 2 find out and reveal. She's need to be adore and be loved. She need attention. Dont ever neglect her and treat friends as top proprity. She detest that! Pls tolerate her nonsense. Moreover she's a woman and need to be protected and tolerated! Treasure the sweetly new love which was planted on the both of u.

Rest assure that I will not disturb ur relationship. I sincerely wish u all the best okie? Rem to provide her with the big love which I cant provide. Again, dont take her for granted also! Lastly wish the 2 of u all the best in a newly developed relationship.

How pathetic am I.

My bro called me while I am working 2dae. His tone of voice was rather frdly den usual. He said he need 2 discuss with me on certain issue when I am back home. Must be up to no good.

He brings me a piece of so called 'agreement' in front of my eyes. It's a continuation of his car plan. I look thru the offer. I shake my head. I don't need a car and will nv buy it in near future. I rejected his offer straight away. I know what I need. Just when I was blogging, he made another astonishing offer! $350 per mth. Sound very tempting. Getting a car, if I wish to, can be done donkey years ago. Some ppl say a man with a car can carry a plus point in the eyes of a woman. May be I lose of in all these and I totally agree to that most women go for convenient. Ppl ard me r getting a car, not me?

Nvm, I did not turn down my head. I stick to my belief. I don’t feel ashamed of my status. What’s so hard taking a LRT daily when u can’t really afford buying a car? Not all women goes into the same direction as u, I respect that. Will try to search for someone who’s simple in her way of living ba. In future that’s for sure. =)

To be frank, I know u r lying to me. I can't really trust your words aft I discovered some findings. U went chalet really? All this while, u were just be perfunctory towards my request. I felt so cheated by u. From the days we so called separated, u were lying to me. At times, I think I am simply naive and felt sad abt myself on the treatment I got from u. U r always avoiding, avoiding and brush aside my asking. Y? I asked enuff and will never ask again. I realli hope u will understand from my point of view.

I might had receive ur msg wrongly. U did not trust me on that allegation. U did not reply 2 my sms when I asked. U did not delete away the entry. It could be a blogger time error.

Till date, I still dunno the main cause. I was like being shot dead from the back of my head, not knowing the reason of the killing. I accepted the fact that u parted. Sometimes I really wonders y things turn to such a state. When I thought of that, I started to ponder in the state of disbelief. Y can't u reveal the true facts to me face to face. U felt gulity? U afraid I might harass u? M I that disgusted to u that u need 2 avoid me as far as possible? Hw many times I asked for a meet up? How many times u rejected me by saying u r busy? R u really busy for the past 2 months? Not a single day for me? M I so worthless to u now? There are so much more things I wanted to ask, but I don't think I am in the position to know and seriously don't have the chance find out. I back off now.

All the best between u and that guy. I would not bother u anymore.

Miracle

Sometimes I wonders if Miracle do exists. I guess fat hope and waiting for miracle to appear is jz a thin line apart.

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day to all lovers under this Mirco Universe!

Blogger - My friend's

Jz came back from Movie @ West Mall. Kong Fu Dunk starring Jay Chow and was quite disppointed with the show. it's been quite some time since I last watch a movie. I rem that movie time was one of my fav thing I do during past time.

Blogging has been the part of me lately and that was the only thing and place where I can express my feelings. I felt that I got no one to turn to. I felt empty and lonely. I felt that my only friend's is one namely: Blogger.

Hi Blogger! Here I am to tell you my sorrow and what had happened daily in my life. Too bad that u can onli be my listening ear and can't speak. Can anyone really talk to me ?

CNY is over

I lifted up to my expectation and declared myself as a sway kia. I lost quite alot during the few days of CNY gamble. I lost my interest for work (as most ppl does, for the time being) and felt so depressed.

I tink there will b lots of MC and urgent leave for many ppl 2dae. As for the rest, they r simply dragging their feet to work. CNY war is over. I m back to normal once again. Altot I gamble, but I told myself to b discipline and I hold my words. Gonna turn another new leaf thereafter. I swear!

HappY New Year to You

I found out your small secrets. I know u r finding my mistake in order to make u feel better and u felt guilty towards me. But bbdd, I m really alrite now and let me continue comforting myself alone. The path to recover might take months or even yrs, I dunno hw long it will takes. Pls don't feel guilty as some relationship r meant to end in this manner. I realized that u occupied so much in my heart and it’s very hard 4 mi 2 replace that empty space which was left behind by u. I am nt a good bf b4, I am not special to u but I did not betray u and will nt contact with someone whom u dislike. Altot we are nobody to each other nw but y shld i go against u? I am proud to say that I did not let u down. I am still puzzled that I was always victimized in the battle of love. I felt so tired and nt sure whether I can trust anyone once again. I am also drained up.

Thinking back, Fate's brought us together, reality of life separated us. I believe true love only come once in a life time 4 everyone. May b mine had past even I had tried to hold back, it’s too late. It’s Chinese New Year today! It’s meaningless for me, still I got to prepare now. Hmm.. Collect more Ang Bao k ?

Silly Me

I think I am getting old as age is catching up with me. My knees tend to feel numb during the cold weather. A few days back, due to my carelessness, I slipped and fell hardly on the ground. Tell tale sign prior to that, almost slip at home. Recently my luck was so down, quite sway during work. I din get the chance 2 slp at all, almost every nite. Message after message, rotten luck. Had a quarrel with one of my colleague. As usual, he scold mi for no reason and I retaliated. I bear with his nonsense for 3 yrs and finally burst up that day. Nice people will always being bullied. Nice people will get nothing in return. Sometimes its so tired to be a Mr Nice guy. People tend to take advantage of u, I had enuff. I know we r not going to talk for very period of time, I am not giving in. I am not petty in nature, I think everyone's will haf their own limitation.

lately, there's this lady who tried to get so close to me. I was freaking scared of her! Im nt BHB and I know she is interested in me. I can feel it so strongly.Too much concern I felt disgusted. I am not ready for anyone now. I wan to be single for the time being.

I know my heart is still with you. No one can really replace you. U r unique to me, someone whom I felt I gave it all. I am still puzzled now. How can love turns so swiftly? One moment I was like celebrating ur birthday, a few months later, u kicked me off with ur cold shoulder. U forced me to back off gradually. Do you realli know the process is so empty? So lost and felt so so hopeless. Have u ever felt in this way?

I hope we can really have a good chat one fine day. Its been almost 2 months since we chat on phone with ample time. U r so occupanied and I know u will still be busy with ur things. I am still waiting your call, a call 2 let mi knw ur well being. I will wait n c.

My wishes in 2008

There are so many things to fulfill. Looking back, there are so many mission that I haf yet to achieve. I let myself down. In 2008, there will be changes in my life. Not for others, but for myself.

1) I quit. I promise myself that it will be the last time I am going to gamble. I quitted soccer betting. I learnt, really.
2) I will be getting my bike lesson, but buying a bicycle is a more realistic now. I will get it all done. I don't care.
3) Quit smoking. Thats demon, it will be very hard. But I just want to give myself another try.
4) Save up. Its time to have savings. The world's is realistic, no $ no talk. but still im not money-driven.
5) Paint my room. I said it a decade ago. It will not be so soon. It will be accompanished.

All these might look easy to some ordinary ppl. I am diff, I am a guy who suffered severly from procrastination. Its a disease, hard 2 overcome. if its a cancer, I am in the final stage. But I am not giving up on myself. I am not a promise breaker, I am not trying to prove anything to anyone. I am doing it for myself. You made me see my flaws, but sad to say, you were no longer around to see me thru. I just hope that you will be wishing me all the best from far.

A relationship without spakle might seem bored. A routine life is not everyone's cup of tea. You walked and stopped. You fall and crumbled. You got to stand up and continue walking. Thats life once again. Life's full of theory and hands-on. But hey,I am leading a normal life now and had really wake up from my bloody idea.

In the past, u know u were not fair towards me. Pls don't jump into conclusion when nothing concrete was surfaced. Lastly, thks for trusting me. I really didn't know that person prior to your phone call. Now I know and I explained. Really appreciate that you see the light in me. I simply doesnt want anymore allegation and misunderstanding which falls badly on me.

That's all I want to explain. Time to burn more fats tomorrow before nite shift. I will c how long the passion can go to achieve my healthy lifestyle. =)

Me 2 U

As long as you are happy with ur life, nothing is impt for now. If u indeed lead a better life as compared to the past, y nt continue going on. But pls dun deceive urself, pls be truthful. I really learnt from this relationship. Learn 2 b sensitive when ur gf is hinting u, u might nt know it wld b fatal in future. Don't take thing 4 granted. Thats my mistake, i admit.

Memories were sweet, on-going life is a must to lead. Loving someone is abt seeing her leading a gd life and not abt possession. I learnt, really.

I really hope one day u will nt avoid me. No more excuses k? If u chose not to contact me, I respect that. No more false hope le, really. I really don't know how long my heart will be with u. Just like nature takes it course ba.