Last puffs for 2013

9th

Just woke up from sleep and rushing off to work. Brother was sending me when I took a quick puff of it. 

5th-8th

Usual puff at the centre. Shh. It's against the law. I'm starting to miss my cigs and I think it will be pretty challenging when the sticks get lesser and lesser.

My last 4. It's like munching the pocky pocky slowly till it's last bit, candle burning till the flame dies. I'm feeling the tremendous STRESS! 

2324hrs, inhaling my last puff. Patching starts a min later. Good bye to the demons in 2013. :)

What happened for the past month

Break off a friendship for years after a real confrontation at his house. We are not friends anymore, that said her mum paid her debts but not him. He can bring girls out for a fine dining and wine but not paying me a single cent for months, fair? It's not the money that counts but the creditability to fulfill your promise. He lost contact for months and I think it's just about time to express my disappointment in such a way. End it all.   

Another bold decision is to quit drinking and I think I've done pretty well for the past 3 weeks. Very minimal and now I'm outside blogging and going to a place of soccer watching coup with an option to drink. I hope I will be able to resist.

Smoking quite heavily lately and this is a catchy problem to resolve. Next year onwards will start the patching but I think the small dosage patch doesn't work on me anymore. :(

Investment plan I've signed up. $800 a month and call me crazy. That was a gamble and I admit it's hard to sustain. Quit drink and smoke will be easy to maintain that subscription. Saying is easier. 

Love at first sight

Pampering myself for the most expensive asset of my 30 years of life. 

30 years old manhood.

30 years ago on this day at the very minutes, my mother was lying on the KK Hospital and going to delivery me at 1657hrs. The joyous moments for parents to deliver their child, the pain going through the hardship at the operating theater is no guys can imagine and want to go through.

I do not think I am a good child to say. A child who always throw tantrum while waiting to be shave, crying outside a toy shop when my mother promised to buy toy for me after a bald hair cut. That was the furthest memories I can thought of and I was just a 7-8 years old boy. My primary school text books were always second hand to my brother and I always tend to dismay over that. My parents lecture me with cane whenever I am naughty and I was so afraid then. Growing up and looking back, I got to be grateful towards my parents upbringing.

But have I being filial to them? Human tend to disregards the little but important things in life which are small but essential to us. Wait till things has gone by or someone has passed on, to sit at one corner and ponder. We jolly well know it is too late to repent but yet we go against the flow of doing the right things. If someone asked me whether I am a good or bad guy, I do not have the answer for you. Everyone will have the good and evil side of them. Situation arise in a day to day basis and the good and bad will tend to fight over a decision.

I succumbed to cigarettes buying earlier on and thought I would had puff my last stick (now!). The bad taken over control but the good inner me kept motivating myself. Sometimes it confused me when I am not sure which direction I want to head to. 0624hrs, I inhaled my last stick of the box.

The bad and the good continue the battle after my sleep. Till then, a happy 30th birthday to myself.

30. No more in my 20's (my last few moments of tasting the 20's)

Tomorrow will be another battle day. You wouldn't imagine that I'm quitting again. Seem like this topic was replicated on my numerous posts. Some people started to laugh at me already. Most importantly is to maintain the spirit and keep going. Smoking quite a lot lately and almost a pack a day, I don't know why.

Why it was picked on the 2nd of Nov? It's my 30th Birthday! I doubt anyone can remember as I'll be drifting the day away. But still preferred many wishes which beats the present. 

I'm officially in my 30's, a scary figure to say.

Total obsession, good or bad?

I have completed my boat series of collection except the $10000 which I think it is impossible to do so unless I am crazy or strike Toto.

Orchid series paint the most significant and vibrant Singapore's currency history.

Marriage

What does marriage meant to me? Simply to put it across, it a promise which I felt should be kept forever, so as long as you live. Both of my cousins got married to a Malaysian and Vietnamese. Some say I should marry a Thai to make it a multi-countries family. To be honest, at one point of time, I don't mind marrying a foreigner, considering that a Singaporean girl is more demanding. No offence to you please.


It's not that Singaporean girls are bad. Just that the Singaporean guys can't meet their expectation. I am trying to be fair and look things are difference perspective. The only worry I have is really the development of the child. if I were to get married, I hope my child are able to grow up and able to live on their own on the day where god called for me, the ultimate god. I am a free thinker.

Love should be a crazy movement. It leave on sense of logical thinking and should never be planned. I am someone who don't like to plan and live everyday as it is. Next moment I might be having cardiac arrest, at this moment my sentence might end here as I was squeezing hard on my chest.

Anything can happen as no one can predict the next minute. Everything which you can feel now is so real. Past was history, present is up for grab and who knows what future lies? I rather held on things on my hand than to imagine things which MIGHT happen. I said might.

I think my marriage will be traveling faster than lighting. The satire part is you, on the other line with someone when I was just beside that someone. She called for Police and coincidentally I was just beside my partner and nearly speak to her. 

What a small world as the world is turning back to the same place where you left.

Friendship

In good fortune, some peoples are born with many friends around them and some of which are able to go through hardship and able to share joyous moments with. To me, my friends around me can be counted using fingers. I don't find new friends for any purpose. May be that makes me quite a loner. A few months ago, I decided to forgo a friend which I knew since childhood. He was a weirdo, suffering from some kinda of psychiatric illness. Always like to lie to people of his BIG house moving and tend to invite after an empty trip for some. Friends all knew about his condition and soon after some speak bad about him and decided to break contact.

For me, I am not bad towards him as he is someone who has no bad intention on. Just that whenever he faces problem, he dare not fare me and choose to lost contact (MIA). He owes me some money in which he promised to repay. However, time and time again he failed to do so and I felt so betrayed, considering the money which I parted were all my hard earn money. Previously, I can even write off the debts which he incurred from drinking, ranging about $500-$600. I just let the matter rest and try not to be calculative towards him. After all he doesn't have any fix income and always having difficulty in repaying his phone bill, resulting in line suspension.

But the main point is that, I am borrowing him in good faith and always put myself in a bad position. When he promised to repay me, I really trusted him in doing so but turn out to be a bogus. I think I just lost my patient towards him and it over two months since we last contacted. I am not someone who is hard to get along with but some people just treat me so. Money is not a big issue but it is the money which manipulate my trust in him. Money is always a fuse to every bad relationship but that is not the case to me.

Is this friendship still worth going through?

Bali 17-21 Sept 2013

Day 1
Touched down at Bali's Airport, known as Denpasar International Airport in the hot afternoon of 17th September. Louis and I was having our virgin tour to Bali and I do not know what to expect as I know the place is for love birds for romancing.  

Checked in at Neo Legian Jelantik Hotel , Jl Patih Jelantik No 188, Legian, Bali. A short distance from Bali's heartland Kuta Street and we had a brisk walk along Kuta Beach, the lovers for surfer. The waves there are continuing with fine sands gracing my feet through out the walk. Signed up rafting and day tour to Mount Batur

Day 2 
Set of the day in the morning, engaged a personal driver to tour us around. We met Paul, a friendly driver as well as a tour guide, introducing the place of interest in the island. Paul is a nice chap, I can sense the friendliness in him. Along the way to visited the active volcano, Mount Batur (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mount_Batur), we visited a coffee heritage center where we tasted Bali coffee with the prestige coffee - Luwar Coffee.  Visited the Pura Desa Batuan Heritage center, almost 1000 years old history and one of the waterfall from afar. Finally reached the Mt Batur and had our lunch with the volcano scenery , very appealing as I watch the volcano from a far distance, a portrait like scene to me. Walked through the memorable location where the 2002 Bali Bombing killed 202 people, mainly were Australian. Went for the infamous nightclub at Legian , Sky Garden and it is more like a Zouk in Singapore and did not stay for long.


Day 3
Tried surfing for the first time of my life and it is a hard to find a balance and paddlers, standing up only to fall off and hit by the surf board. Ouch! Engaged a personal trainer and gave up trying after a few mouthful of salt water (very salty!)  A few bottles of Bintang (Star in Malay) beers on the beach make you feel good and brave. Bintang beer is Indonesia production beer and I drank this everyday, day and night. Foot massage with ear waxing was smoothing. Spent so much on tipping and came to realise that my money dries up faster than Louis.

Day 4
Rafting for 2 1/2 hours with the fast rapid and concave stoning make the whole journey a fun and exciting one. The raft stuck for lots of time between the stone and the trainer was not happy with our performance, I guess. Learn many new tactics like Boom Boom (Danger coming), Duck (lean forward), high side (balancing the raft by moving to the high side) and Jump Jump (vibrate the raft and pumping off the rock). Jimbaran bench is another nice place to go with grilled seafood along the beautiful bench while viewing sunset. How I wish was a romance outing only to realise I am with a man. 

Day 5
Tried the crispy duck at the airport before departing, one of the Bali's specialty.Left the airport after buying some overpriced souvenir for over $60.

Old Notes Obsession

I am like total obsessed with Singapore old notes/coins, Collected Ship Series of $1000,$500 & $100 and spent a total of $2700 for the face value of $1600, worth it?

http://www.singaporemint.com/product_info.php?product_id=1287 (PURCHASED!)


References:
http://sgbanknotes.blogspot.sg/

http://www.singaporemint.com/

A small corner of my world

Finally packed most of my stuffs in my bed room. Penning down my last few moments in my bed room. Probably the last entry here as I ended my 13 years tenure here. I am not sure if it was a sound idea to move off from here, considering my parents has so much affection towards this unit. But we ought to move on in certain stage of life - easier said than done. This room of mine was once a place where I gulped down hundreds of beer bottles chanting my sorrow, dropped my million tears when I was so heartbroken in love. A place where I spent years lying on my bed, noting down my blog entry. It is a small corner in the world where I spent my time thinking things through.

I think that the most time I spent in a place for the 13 years of my life, was here. The scenery in front of me will change soon, awaiting me is a place totally new to me. A new surrounding, new neighbours' and a new place where I might spend another decade on. Kudos to the 14th floor of Blk 616 Senja Road. A good thing to be nostalgic towards everything in our life? And why should I be so emotional over a non-living thing?


Here's the preview of my new corner...I love the blue blue sky, cause I am a boy boy :)

想你的夜

There will always be some days when you are reminiscence about your past. Somehow or rather, someone someday just pop into your mind - Shirley Tan . No doubt things had past so many years, the thought of it was still so fresh.  On the day where the tears fell off from the business park after an empty wait is so fresh in my mind. I can even feel the drop on my face. When the memories were so fresh, you though that time is travel backwards. I am someone who loved to travel back to the past, at least for a few moments, to recap the sweet and sorrow of life. So much so that I track her once a while. Am I a psycho? I miss her really, even if it has ended for 6 years. How can I be so harsh to myself when the moment I drove past her, I pretended that I did not see her. Is that how I should behave? I guess I was long forgotten by her. But she will always be in my mind, the same feel same look even time ages her. I will try to remember the sweet moments we never gonna have.

                                                                          关喆 - 想你的夜

Mood - happy and it's a choice

Will there be times where you woke up from your sleep, branding the day as a perfect one and thinking that everything will be alright. Time where you woke up with everything screwed. What determine our mood? I was wondering this. The most fundamental factor will be more to having a good rest and get recharged. With the booster, our mind should be able to support the mental strain for the day. 

But what I learnt was that, being happy is a choice. You choose to be happy and by telling yourself repeatedly over your mind, subconsciously we will perform that task. Sometimes it works but sometimes we will feel rock bottom. That's life I guess, riding through up and down like a roller coaster. Tell yourself you're at the bottom and nothing going to beat you down further. We call that positive mindset. :)

So, are you happy today?

Cousin's 'Love'

I was so pissed off yesterday after my Mahjong at my Cousin's - JR house. Another of my cousin who was staying across my block was not joining the game, I simply took cab back home as there was no transportation. The fact that JR drove his sister back to Puggol, his vehicle drove past me, when I walked out of the premises. He could have send me back along the way but he did not. If it's me, I will send even without much asking. Should play lesser Mahjong as I always the one losing, in the end no happy ending. Such a selfish guy who only cares about himself, thinking that he was the one who is pleading me to play even I lost so much lately, I nearly quit. If I don't play, people will badmouth me, saying that I 'hang up and sell'. Sometimes I don't really bother much about their comment, thinking that the whole family revolves around his family just because they are rich? You should only care on the harvest growing in your crop. There are so much negative things about him, he got the cheek to buy food back for his 'shot gun' wife, but not even ask the people who are playing Mahjong, which inclusive of his sister. Noble.

This afternoon he called me for Mahjong again, I simply brush him off. Though I did not spell out the reason, my blood is still boiling. I did not expect him to treat me extra well but at least the basic of being the elder. During the old days when I was indebted to him for betting, he even suggest me to borrow from Ah Long. What a fantastic idea from my great Cousin.

I am glad that I did not accept his request to be his 'brother' on his wedding day even I am available. What's the point of helping those people who don't even value you? Only those others who afraid to offend his parents, who are having 'high authority' in the family. I start to think that this was a funny stock. Considering that we are close during the childhood, but it would be no value when you don't maintain that.

I am just like that, people who treat me well, I will repay back double. Those who see me as a grass, I will smell them as a piece shit.

I smoked

Yes, break record for almost 4 months. While under the influence of alcohol, I smoked a few puffs @ 0242hrs. I don't feel bad on that. It's just a natural emotional flow which was kept at the inner me for months. No activation of panic alarm. I think I can manage that well.

'MZ' finally agreed to meet me after so much of talking on the phone. it would be in mid September. I always find her as potential one, if only she's interested in me. Keep fingers crossed and treat it with a 'normal heart'.

I'm so happy that my exemption for certain stage of the IPPT is finally cleared! Met a good doctor at Healthway and asked me which station I want to get exempted. Obviously is better than the previous doctor, when I mentioned my reason, he simply brushed me aside and said I 'Geng'!!! Passing for the IPPT is much more easier as I was looking to my promotion (Passing IPPT as the criteria) next year. it's not a bad day though, wish me luck me!

WRONG Impression

I am not sure why that I always gave a wrong impression of my opposite sex? Am I always expressing myself wrongly to the extent that they fall for me? Can't we just be friends? Just felt that I am an alien from outer space, no one gonna understand me totally, not even myself.

LASIK - Day 4

Doctor told me no sports, no contact with water so as to protect my eyes. I'm going crazy cause I can't run and my belly was upsized. Poor me.

Bali - September

Bali trip booked for the month of September. This will be the 3rd time I'm traveling this year. Ought to enjoy when you're young and single and to explore what the Mother Nature has for us. If there's a chance, I want to travel out of this south east asia continent in near future. 

Crush and not burnt

Three solid month of fighting. Crush and not burnt. All I can say is that I NEARLY PUFF. In the spit moment, I crushed the cigarette. It's always so hard to start things all over again and you have to stop thinking that everything will start all over again. I think I am just buying time with the nicotine demon...

Chaya was so mean...even when I said good bye, she don't seem to bother....after much affection.

The day started all wrong

Morning shift on a Sunday morning. The day started all wrong when I headed back home after forgotten my essential item - wallet. Left home and walked back again after my pairs of sock was not with me. Left with limited time, I booked a taxi and choose the wrong pickup location. Called back to verified and accidentally cancelled the booking!! Now, with the second booking, I hope I won't be too late for work. Cabby uncle, quick! 

Bringing back my childhood memories,perfect vision,health & wealth

 Beehoon which brought me back to my childhood days - 13/07/2013

When I was in primary school, over the weekends will always be at commonwealth crescent,my ah po's house. My parents will play Mahjong and when we were heading back home, I will always looking forward for the infamous beehoon store with the tasty chicken wing. 20 years went past and I managed to chance upon the newspaper article of the beehoon store, the uncle is back to business. The taste of it was not that great as what I expected. May be when we were young, we tend to be contented over small little things, easily fulfilled. But every taste of it bring back my fond memories that bring me 20 years back. Definitely will visit this beehoon store. It's located at Blk 85 Redhill close. Try it?

Lasik treatment which I yearn for years - 15/07/2013

Wearing spectacle is always hassle and finally I am going for the Lasik treatment , probably next month. I was in cloud nine that I am eligible for the treatment after the evaluation consultation was concluded. This is definitely a good investment although it cost over three over thousands. I hope the surgery will be a success and wish me well!

QUIT - Smoke, Gamble, Drink (SGD = $$$)

Last sticks - 30/04/2013, Last gamble & drink: 14/07/2013

I will AIM & TRY to quit gambling and most importantly is to quit drinking! Not forgetting of resisting the smoking crave. It's been two days since I last drink (clap clap clap) but I am just trying and please don't blame me if I failed. ultimately, this three demons will cost me MONEY!

Grandma

Grandma was staying with us now. She is talking nonsensically and this remind me of the life of an oldy. So when we are young, play hard and live life to the fullest. 

Another dead man gone - 89 years old

My grandpa passed away last morning. I have no grieve over his death since he never visit us since I was in my secondary school days. Perhaps the affiliation connectivity was not there, may be I am just too numb over the faces of death. Life's is so unpredictable and people come and go in this world almost every second. So, why should we be feeling sad over their's departure?

I am not cold blooded kinda person, but just a weirdo. I believe that my thinking is just too difference from others. I guess my job make me someone who is so used over seeing dead body.

So grandpa, no disrespect to you but I wish you all the best in the other world.

72 Days of fighting

I was nearly falling into the trap, especially when I was drunk. But part of me still managed to resist. Fighting!

Love Seed To Grow

Tuesday met up with 'M' for a movie, World War Z, followed by a drink at Saigon and Shanghai Dolly. The day ended with a heart to heart chat at East Coast Park which 'M' suggested when she mentioned that she do not wish to go home (excuses?). Well, nothing happens. No chemistry but simply just companionship. I wanted to test myself of dating someone, but without the X factor, I cannot bring myself of forcing to a relationship.

I thought feeling will grow and nurture but I am just adamant. If love seed was not there in the first place, how can the plant be growing in the first place? I am too old to have the try-out period, I think 'M' and me are just friends, although I know she has feelings for me, which I am uncertain whether was it genuine.

I am just someone special in my own fashion. My perception towards love is always different from others. I am just someone who is low self-esteem, always think I am a failure in the game of love. May be I am just to concern over others feelings which make myself a sensitive person.

It's so hard to strike a balance between the two. So officially a good bye to 'K' and 'M'.

May & June 2013, a completion of smoke free month

A new month has arrived. Two months are not easy for an 'ex-convict' like me. But under the yellow ribbon project, I vowed not to repeat the same old mistake again. Just take a day as it goes. I can do it !

Communication Deficiency

Yesterday pissed off another lady - 'M'. Sometimes I was wondering if I am so detestable when it come to communication. Perhaps I am someone who is not easily to communicate with, I serious have the thought of it. I don't mean anything when I talk. Usually it was without any motive behind it. End up the receiver will always pissed off. Should I say sorry when I don't even know I am in the wrong.

'K' had resigned from her job in Singapore and returned back to her hometown. When I text her, she was so cold and cut off the conversation. I guess the fate between us has indeed come to an end. In the first place, I shouldn't express myself when I was drunk, blowing up my frustration in the running which causes her annoyance. Thinking back, I destroyed my plot and made the wrong move. She got everything which I look for, but too bad it has come to an end. Whether I like it or not, it was game over.

When I tell someone I am single, they won't believe me, I was wondering was it due to my age (30!) or my look (hehehe..) Some say I am choosy, am I? At some point of time, I was looking for attention, someone who can pay much more attention towards me can be a privilege. That exclusive focus on me, fat hope... I don't harm anyone, being nice to the weak. But what I got in return is loneliness. I should be able to went through it and get used of being a loner. Whatever it's, I break my world record of not going out on a Friday and Saturday off days.

Be it, having a party with friends or sitting alone in my room having an ice cool beer, only the right person will able to feel what I am feeling now.

See you once again

27/06/2013, I was on vehicular rounds where I saw my ex-girlfriend at the car park. My first reaction was to PRETEND that I did not see her. 

From lover to stranger, we once in a relationship with some much fond memories, but in the end i have to drive past her. that spilt second,i felt it was satire. I always wonder how two person deeply in love can reach today's stage, i'm losing more esteem when it come to that. It's been more than 5 years of breaking up, ever since my love life can be written up in a single A4 paper.

Looking afar, I'm pondering once again.

Disappointed family's decision

I was so angry when I have a tiff with my mum and brother. They actually brought the sofa and dining table without discussing anything with me! I'm part of the family and I seriously think that I should be joined in the purchase, give my view etc. my brother said not much variety in sofa and hence he let our parents decide. My mum said it's those 'cheap' sofa and hence they made the decision. The point is not on the sofa decided. I'm part of it and why can't let me be also the deciding party???? I'm extremely disappointed when my mum say she got no time to talk to me because I always go out drink! My brother say I always sleep and busy. Is that the excuses you guys gave me for making such a decision? I felt that bypassing me is such a disappointment.

I left home and told them to decide whatever they want, don't bother to ask me cause I'm just like an outsider. 

Shitty feel ....going for a drink now

iPhone 4 found, iPhone 5 dead

First to discovered that my iPhone 5 was full charged at 80% and the next moment, I was unable to charge it. Interesting after declaring that my iPhone die on me, I angrily took a cab back home after work and found an iPhone 4 in the cab. It was vibrating on my spinal and for a moment, I thought my back was aching. Last year found an iPhone 4S in the club and it seem like I am quite lucky with the number 4. I hope one day I am able to find a wallet with tons of money in it.


May be in my dream....

Singapore's four seasons; hot, wet, flood and haze.

Once again, our homeland was well covered by haze from the deforestation of Sumatra, Indonesia. Pollutant  Standards Index (PSI) reaches155 last night and I was having difficulty in sleeping. Haze comes with dry air and it was so hot to sleep as well. Flipping on my bed and was certain that I was having a bad sleep.

Still, work to do and life goes on even it hit 200. Haze became a hit as a common topic in Facebook. Wondering if one day, Singapore facing natural disaster, what will our countryman's reaction be. Let's hope the haze condition will be improved as the burning charcoal smell in the air was so unbearable. memory of those who smoked in front of me when i first started quitting. No more repeatation of 1997-226 PSI reading, I seriously hope so...*cough cough

49 days non-smoking, corresponding to government campaign - Save my world.

June 2013, hope another month without puff.

I'm at club galaxy and fighting the nicortine demon. Puffing is way to easy now. Perseverance!

Sundown Marathon 2013

The sundown marathon 2013 at F1 pit ended this morning. A completion of half marathon - 21.1km was not satisfying for me cause I took 3.5 hours to finish off. The pace can be rival to walking. Waited for one of my poly female friend who also took part in the run. Ran along with her until I became bored and lost my interest in running! Eh you know what I meant.

Still, a completion is still fulfilling. A second thought of the standard chartered full marathon with my legs strain a little. 

Bravo! That's the spirit and beauty of running. Jurong lake run 2013 will be next on 7th July. 

26/31, hanging on and almost there.

Someone is smoking in front of me. Pissed off big time. With 26/31, I think I scored a distinction.

Dad, a habitual gambler

It's 1 am now and I just gulped down a can of beer with another just opened. Work later, got to wake up at 6 am, who cares? My brother and I loaned my dad $500 each to support him to pay '1-2' Mahjong. An unemployed man who gambles that big, I am not supportive over that. In the end, he lost almost $700. This month is a bad month with quite a big portion of my salary goes to my parents. I don't know if I am doing the right thing to allows my Dad to play Mahjong and that's his only hobby. When he is getting older, I tend to pamper him a lot and I can't bear to reject his asking because I think Mahjong is a hobby to him rather than a bad habit. When parents became older, children became the adult and reverse the cycle, isn't it? 

I have to admit that the stake is too high for a jobless person. At the other hand, I am quite hesitant to  give him the money as I am not so loaded for the month. He even dare to accept the game with relative before the loan is approved, how daring!

Dad lost the money, children are suffering. It's really unfair to gamble that big, I will not support him anymore in that aspect not because I am unfilial towards my dad. I think this is really unbecoming and I should not be so softhearted. Moreover, it is all hard earn money.

My life is revolving in gambling due my family background. My dad give me a new perspective in gambling. It is not too late to realise how much I had wasted and addicted in the past. Buying 4D with hygiene Mahjong occasionally is acceptable. Anything goes beyond that is a no no. 

Run and drink, business as usual

On Saturday, I was traveling alone to Singapore Expo to collect my race pack. It took me a freaking 1 hour and 20 mins in traveling time on MRT. Crazily spent $368 (BIG BLOOD OUT)  for the sports fare organised there. $139 for a pair of brook sports shoes, $143 for 2XU long compression tights, $36 for hydration belt and $50 to sign up for the Jurong Lake Run (10km) 2013. When anything which associated with running, I am crazy over it. I think it is relatively important for the above apparels with the shoes an additional option for run, the tights, the main benefits  is that it keeps the muscles warm to prevent muscle strain and fatigue, it may enhance athletic's performance as well. Together with the hydration belt, it will makes me look like a pro when I am running outside, attracts much unwanted attention. Hands filled up with the race pack and the booty, I hailed a cab instead to sum up my laziness.

 

The night ended with a night out at the Galaxy Thai disco. Bottom up a tower of beer with the classic end with a bottle of Martel. I was wondering how much money I had spent on drinkings on my entire life? A guy with not much hobbies with one's easily expected my lifestyle. Sometimes I think simplicity in life is a pure genius's thinking. Without sparkle at certain stage of our life, it will be too dull to live in. We would not want our life to lead to a bottleneck where everyday is like point A to B, procedure 1.1 followed by 1.2. I tend to feel that I am orchestrating this drama of my life, BORING.

The weekends ended with a perfect 10 km run without any stop. Went for an unusual running route which I never explored and nearly entering BKE expressway and had to make a big U-turn to save my embarrassment. Some road user might thought I am a crazy guy running on the slip road with the ghostly unique attire. Can you believe that I had ever run from home to Jurong East market and back. Madness me with an aim to complete the full marathon for the standard chartered run 2013, it is freaking 42.195km!

But the weekends ended with a few cans of beer and a handful of roasted cashew nuts to go along with. Routine once again as I am munching off this week with the completion 20 days of non-smoking. 

Tipsy blogger signing off now....

WORK-LIFE-LOVE, that's part of my life.

It's half a month, half the achievement done. The nicotine evil is gradually forcing its way out. To be honest, I do not have any urge in smoking and it seems to be back to normal days. Still, complacency should not stand my way. The belief is what keep you going, it forms the backbone of your goals. Without it, you lost focus and desire in achieving.

Drinking-almost-everyday is now a knotty problem to solve. Even if the office hours routine is not helping me anyway. At night, my desire to drink is on the high. At night, I am unable to sleep well and tend to wake up lifeless. I assumed that I am someone who are unable to lead a normal life. I dislike office hour job because it is too routine. Monday is too tiring to work, Friday is way too far and the cycles repeats itself. I expressed to my team supervisor that I want to go back to the team soonest but the higher management is likely to delay my loan status. Everyday I am dragging myself to work, too carefree make me a lazy guy. No one is pushing me for work, I will slack for sure. Some people like to lead a do-nothing job but I think that if you give me a 5k salary paid job just to sit down (security guard etc, confine to a restricted area), I WILL GO CRAZY. I rather earn lesser and lead a 'meaningful' life than to rot a life time. A job, I felt that it is a part of your life, you spent almost one third of your life in that, make sure it is worth spending on.

Earlier, my family went to our new flat for viewing again, to fine tune on renovation to be carried out. We have differences in the renovation cost, room allocation between my brothers. However  it is essential to come to a compromise and move forward as a family. I am looking forward to present my new flat to my friend, inviting them to my house for a mahjong session etc.

In the past, I did not dare to bring my friends, even my long relationship girlfriend to my house because I felt that it is too embarrassing to showcase my flat to them. Can you believe that my girlfriend for almost two years did not even step into my flat before. My house is in a mess and not organised. I hope that I am able to fill up the lapses in future and bring them in. I am not showing off but hope to experience the homely feel.

Lately, there is this girl asked if I have a commitment issue, I strongly felt that she has interest in me, trust me or not, it is my gut feel. Am I someone who is afraid to commit? To be honest, I am uncertain on that unless I am in that situation. I love kids to the extent that I thought of going to the fertility test to be deem fit for the next test - marriage. It's saddening for a married couple to be in love and not having the love-crystallization. I am open for an adoption if one day I am married but unable to produce. But it is still BEST to have a child on your own flesh.

ME - I am willing to get married because of kids, because they are simply too adorable and magically to experience. I pray that one day I am able to experience that moments and to find someone whom I am able to rely on, for the rest of my life. I am an extremist, isn't it?

The day where I had done a heroic stuff

The day before yesterday on Friday, was waiting for the LRT at the Choa Chu Kang Station platform. While standing stationary , one weird Chinese guy in his 40's suddenly came on my right in a very weird manner. In front of us is a foreigner (a female lady in her 20's, probably a Vietnamese) standing behind the yellow line. He was really inching towards the lady using his boby. Even a guy felt the uneasiness when it come to confront zone.

I started to notice his every behavior and closely monitor it. While the train is approaching the platform, he started to raise his left hand towards the lady's butt in a very weird manner. I swear that he will execute his act if I choose not to do anything. I started to get nervous when I was entering the train. However, I felt I need to do something when I was entering behind them. I sandwiched the duo and gently pushed the pervert guy off. I could have wait for him to commit before claiming credit to report to the police. I felt I've done the righteous movement at that spit second. I started to think I'm a busybody and but rediscovered my reason of joining the force.

While in the train, I ask the lady 'are you okie?'. I swear that if she replied in a crying state, I'll sure approach the pervert guy and blow up the matter. She just replied in a broken English by saying 'its scary'. I can feel her fear and before I alighted,I imparted the '防狼' skill to her. It's a good deed to prevent a helpless lady to fall pray to the tiko wolf. With that, it gained 37 like from my Facebook friend, some calling me HERO. Yes I'm hero, someone who is not afraid to be titles as that. :)

10 years for a wait, worth it?

The promotion list for this year is out. From expectation to realisation. Seeing people around you got promoted, a feel of envious ending with a touch of bitter. If I tell you I don't feel a thing, it's a lie. It's 9 years holding and they always say 'next year have chance'.

I never blame my fate,my doings as it was an unfortunate event which have a great impact on my career. At least I'm still able to perform and continue to look forward to. People said things that don't come by easily, you tend to treasure more.

If next year is another year without rain, how will I really response?

author,
a 10 years Sergeant

Day 9 of 31

103.50 sticks for the period between 17 March till 30 April. It's more than 10 packets or a carton of cigarettes smoked in 42 days.

Call me crazy for recording down every stick I had exhausted.

Call me nonsensical for every attempt I've made.

Call me whatever you like, but this is the strong me coming through the light.

Temptation

We call this, temptation. It's how you resist that show your true color.

Day 8 of 31

I'm less reliance on smoking when it come to drink. It's proven as I'm heading to the right direction at the right pace...

A week, hard fought victory (day 7 of 31)

Still a long to go, but I'm determined to win the battle and seriously there's no room for complacency. Finally a week, way to go!

Gaining wealth in certain ways

Just last week I received the letter of claim arising from an accident about a year and a half ago. I still remember that my friends, cousin and I were taking a cab back when we alighted one of them, another cab hit us from behind. I summoned for ambulance and try to make the matter BIG. Almost a day of negotiation with the alleged cabby, he was unable to compromise on the $400 each to us, thus a traffic accident report was lodged. Coincidentally, I was suppose to get an exemption (as well as MC) for my IPPT for that day. 3 days of MC was obtained with exemption. The doctor wrote a medical report to the law firm, indicating that all over my body were sprained and claim amount is atonishing. Blessing in disguise that the 'injuries' sustained were put to good use in future. Although the claim amount are on the high side, the law firm indicating about 70% claim is achievable and it should be finalise in two over months. Ethically, is it so wrong to claim the amount?

Claim of $19k, this is definitely crazy

This humongous glass container was a giveaway from my neighbour and it was originally used for praying purposes. I used that for coins keeping and it should be able to store a lot of coins, I have estimated to be between $5-6k. I am still very much interested in the 3rd series coin to be release by middle of 2013 and I swear to retained more than the past of $1893. The new coin is a beauty and I believe it will inspire me to save more with the help of $5 savings a day on non-smoking. 

More than 6 days without a smoke and today is the first day I am not relying on anything as the patch runs dry. When you look at the note in the container, it reminds you how much you might have lost. May be this works for me as I am someone who prefer to see the material gain in front of my eyes as SEEING IS BELIEVING. Talk great dream and vision isn't my cup of tea even it's presented on the table.

5 days and counting on (day 5 of 31)

120 hours of non smoking. I can do it, I'm gaining much more confident as compared from a few days ago. Whole of May day is nonsmoking...

Jia you tarts!

May 2013, a crucial month of battling (day 2 of 31)

Alcohol Intoxication with easy accessibility (bro's pack) will lead me to nowhere. Running nose with the lacking of nicotine. I'm living with my will power, to resist the temptation, squeezing every ouch of desperation out me. Will I ever survive till the dawn.

I'm praying hard. Find out the answer from me later.

A loud hailer announcing the bad news.

I thought that if I continued to start patching after a few puff, I should be able to kick off completely with the assistance of the Nicorette patch. I was totally wrong as every attempt has indeed, diminishes my willpower. The more attempts I had tried and failed, I will tend to less value the fighting spirits I used to possessed. I always felt so confidently that I will overcome every hurdles which obstruct me but as I was typing in every letters here, my mind is all about puffing. It was a laughing stock to present the world, a weaker me, someone who tried to influence people to quit but yet unable to convince himself.

It is just 2 days and the moments were unbearable. The patch has minimal effort on me as my demon has take over control over my body's desire. The feelings were sulky when everything is falling back to the original state. I am just a 2 days non-smoker who is so desperate for a stick at the moment. I know myself too well that I am falling into pieces. Motivation within myself will drive me through. But at the moment, I am doubtful on whether I am able to survive on this plight. My destiny is within my hand and if I ever to lose this battle, I will not quit anymore.

May the ultimate god bless me.......

Friendship of 23 years

Fond memories gathered on 27th April 2013, 8 years+ since the last primary school gathering. Exactly 15 years ago on this day, I broke off with my 初恋情人。it's always a sweet thing to recap with your primary school on the happening way back then. Let's hope the next gathering will be sooner as we can't afford another 10 years or so for the next meet up. KTV soon!

Dream & Reality

I had a weird dream yesterday. It's was a scene where I was driving a motorbike in a congested road. My mobile phone and wallet were missing. In panic mode in search for the lost items.

When I called up my mobile number, guess what! My secondary school classmate (the one who fancy me) picked up the call and mentioned that the phone was lost with only the SIM card with her. It's kinda ridiculous when I thought the only way to get back my SIM card was to meet her. There along the road, I recovered my wallet with all the cash missing.

日有所思、夜有所梦:
梦是一种常见的思想排泄的方法，将大脑多余的思想通过梦的方式进行释放。

It's true in that sense. Subconsciously I thought of her pestering (I'm bad) and while in Thailand, I'm very watchful over my wallet as I heard about pickpocket that slits your jeans pocket and stolen your valuables. I was pursuing my bike lesson for years and lately applied for PDL.

Dream is a fantasy which can bring you to a place where your reality can't. It brings joy, sadness, mystery and sense of reality for a moment but nothing yield at the time of awake.

It's morning now, stop day dreaming tarts!

Patching @ 9.00am

I can't remember how many times I've try quitting to smoke. A couple of minutes ago, in the humid LRT train to work, I patched on my left arm, marking my record breaking times of quitting within a year. It's back to square one once again and let's see the spell will last for how long.

Topic: Work, Housing and Love - Things revolving us everyday

Procrastination hit me real hard for the past one month. Supposedly to blog on my Thailand encounter but never have the 'form' to diary down. Should be a long entry as I have so much things to say. To express my feelings lately will be a better option since I have limited time before sleep. Will continue that on the next entry.

Things revolving us everyday - Which have a great impact on our well being, day to day life :

Work Consideration
Being in the office hour for a loan period of 2 months, I felt that I am someone who refused be idling for too long due to the routine 9-6 job scope. Shift work is tiring and as age goes deeper into the twilight years, I felt the tension. Somehow or rather, I think I will endure for few more years before considering a move. I am in favor to return back to the uniform life after this short stint. That was the reason of joining the force although the shift work system is not ideal and many colleagues won't return after they were loaned there and opt to stay. It's never easy manning the junior because the perception and enduring level for the younger generation is different. Somehow or rather, I would love to return back to the team without much hesitation because policing is so dynamic and challenging. I can't blog much on what's happening at work (since the high profile incident way back in 2008), I shall cease divulging any sensitive information due to my work nature.

Housing Issue
Many people preferred to have a two-person-world mindset and refused to stay with their parents. Since I think I am going to be single for at least a few years, I've decided to take up the ownership of the new flat and stay with my parents. No one can predict the future as it is always ever-changing. You can argue that I am someone without any vision in life and never plan much. I just felt that things should be sequenced accordance to its flow. Doing the right thing now is better to plan for things which never materialise. Isn't it? Purchased a 5 room flat which was 3 minutes away from my current flat. Opting for comfort life even if the burden is heavy for me, it's better than the current state our family is going now. One's have to sacrifices and it gotta be me, no hard feelings.

Love Life
Should be the shortest paragraph for this entry. Most people asked me about the lady appeared in my Thailand-Facebook posts. To keep it short, I am single, she is a nun now. We never know how an affection between humans can bring up to, keeping an open mind once again in a relationship is crucial. Being single and doing what a single person ought to do. I believe no one can fault me on that, even if I posted 100 sexy babes taking photos with me. My 5 cents worth of thought before my sleep.

Dark secret

I'm in Bangkok now. So much dark secrets for this trip.

A trip from Bangkok to Chiang Mai - ready to get wet

It's not that lonely when you traveling on your own. In about 3 hours time, I will be heading the Don Mueang (DMK) International Airport for my detour to Chiang Mai (CNX). The cloudy weather after a pouring rain diminishes the vibrant of Songkran festival. However, I hope the journey to the airport will be smooth sailing and no hitches on the flight to CNX. Relying the batteries brought from Singapore due to the adaptor incompatibility with the complimentary of the full charged portable battery. I'm treasuring every bits of the battery cells.

Didn't manage to speak Mandarin word to anyone for quit some time. Nonetheless, it's a forthcoming experience to enjoy life as a stranger in this foreign land. Much await, I'm leaving BKK for a festival I yearn for years. I want to soak myself under the water rays of the water gun, packed with joyous mood...

Pondering at the restaurant with the nicotine running low in my body

It's always mind-relaxing whenever you're in a foreign land. The norm of smoking on overseas is legally sound kept ringing through my mind. With the cigarettes box displaying 'cigarettes sold here' everywhere in the restaurant was just so tempting and hard to resist. My true self know that I wanna enjoy myself to the fullest but that's also an excuse, or I should say a valid excuse to smoke.

"Excuse me, give me a pack of...."

Kular Lumpur, Malaysia (05/04/2013 - 07/04/2013)

Yesterday evening came back from Kular Lumpur, Malaysia and currently on a 'two days vacation' here before setting off to BKK, Thailand before (again) landing on my FINAL DESTINATION- Chiang Mai.

I am going alone on the flight, alone to a foreign lane which I've never done that before. Once in our life time, we ought to experience a bravery discovery on ourselves. Exploring such a field is not my cup of cake. But still, I am heading to the North with an adventurous feel and a touch of anxiety.

This KL trip had taught me a lot. No doubt that I smoke 6.5 sticks for the trip. I also met the tour guide - Mr Safari along the way. I'd shared my smoking experience and it had inspired and reminded me once again that the battle is not alone and I'd actually imparted my quitting knowledge to Mr Safari. I brought a pack of cigarette but gave it away after consulting Mei Yan through whatsapp - just to maintain my one week of non-smoking - crap crap crap. STILL, it's not where you start BUT where you eventually will end. The fight to become a full time smoker will never be materialise and the will determination of withstanding the sarcastic remarks can never bring me down. I am the only one that can bring myself and if there is one day I will stop the fight, I will definitely look down on myself.

Genting Highland was another stop for the trip. I entered the Casino with anxiety and uneasiness even I am not loaded with tons of cash. I came to realise that I am a coward in front of gambling table and my bets were small and careful. That was not me in the past and after the gamble, I'd lost 100 over ringgits. But after a deeper thought, I came to find out the hidden meaning behind all these. I'd learned my lesson of being a habitual gambler to someone who are more sensible in a gambling aspect. In actual fact, I felt pleased.

So much things to look forward to and I hope this incoming journey will be a fruitful one....I pray that so.

Sum up of my life in March

There are so happening lately. I picked up smoking on 17 March 2013. I was a disappointing move but I felt a sense of guilt when someone actually look upon me as a role model. I was temporarily transferred to office hour till 18 May 2013 as to settle my housing issue.

Of late, Issue of shifting house, dad went jobless had added much pressure into my life. The bright side of the darkness is that I'd cut down on drinking tremendously.

Love life still the same, met someone whom had a boyfriend - Lai Mei Yan. May be it's all fated to meet the right person at the wrong time, it was just a wild guess.

Update of my ninety days

It's been more than three months since I last pen down my happening in life. it will be good if we review on life counter in a quarterly basis. At least we are able to capture the moments and able to look back when we grow. 

I was at Thailand for a vacation from 16/01/2013 - 24/01/2013 and I met a lady called 'Eve'. Eve was an amazing person whom I met there and there was so much of the emotional attachment wherever I am in a foreign land. I remember adding her in facebook and she was a helpful lady who kept sending me tons of Thai's MP3. To materialise the meeting was simply a magical feeling. 

A secret to the vacation is that I SMOKED on the last day of the trip due to drunkenness and stupidity. It's also emotional overwhelming when I felt the last day was a bad day where separation is inevitable. I puffed outside the club and Eve was so angry that she walked out from the club. 

Thank god that I managed to caught up with her after a short chase. Reconciled after some real confrontation  when both of us were drunk. Nothing happens between us and we are just friends. After I came back from Thailand, I felt so lost not due to jet lag. 19 days of non-smoking since my failure but seriously will not be thwarted by the demons . Whatever the happening there, I am still looking forward to the life style in Thailand but I know it's not possible to stay there for settlement unless I've decided to disown my parents  Eve might be someone whom I'd settled all of my vacation feeling in, she was just an illusion. 

A flight back to 'realisticity', a flight from a place emotionally filled. Packed up my feeling from a well spent vacation. Everyday till now, we still chat on Skype or Line. She's a weirdo and kept saying she's psycho towards me due to the fact that she has an ex-Singaporean bf?  May be I am just a substitute from her SG's fiction character. I should be the next chapter of her noble novel. 

BUT I still think it's better to be alone, it's better not to hurt someone again. I chose to be in my own world when BG-relationship is so tiring to live in. At the other hand, I tend to envy those lovely birds. 

What a mixed feeling I'm having but I seriously want to return to Thailand soon for some unknown reasons..........