Shocked Reply.

I think she is not just letting me go. Why is she kept on maintaining the contact string? By announcing her new blog address on the old one does not do any good to me. Why she still want me to browse her new blog entry, kept on telling the whole world that she was in a blissful stage, yet every point is not clearly indicated. Guess what, she actually MSG me on 08/07/2009, to my horror, she wrongly msged to my house phone. I am glad that I am at home and picked the MSG from there.

'Hendry, I think I really need to talk to you, you mag choose not to reply.' (sic)

When I MSG her that she sent the wrong number, she replied...

'Well. Sorry, Selected wrongly :-)' - 2336hrs

the reply continues....

'Nothing happened. Thanks for your concern. it's also not a sudden decision to message you. Just felt that there is too many misunderstanding between us. It's a burden for you and may be

for me :-) i guess it's time to clear all there misunderstanding.' - 2343hrs

.......

Well, i've never mentioned anything about me letting you down or whatsoever. i've all along been talking about the misunderstanding since the start of this conversation. And one thing for sure, i've never looked back since i left. I just don wan anybody's life got ruin because of me. You get it? but since you claimed it this way, then so be it! At least the burden in me is all cleared now. :-) good night. - 0018hrs

......

I see. Now i know. Those written on the web are just fake and pathetic side of you. it seems like you have dual personality huh? Well, since your dual personality are hating me so much, i shall remove you from my life. I'm glad i left and never regret since then. :-) that's all i have to say. - 0729hrs


Every of her reply was so mean and harsh. What did I do wrong? To sum up everything, I perceived that her intention to contact me was to clear off all her guilt towards me. Obviously I did not reply her about anything nice, but definitely not as mean as her. She was just too proud of herself and kept on boosting her relationship with her boyfriend's. Whatever it's I am not gonna make her feel right to make that decision on that faithful day. Sometimes it's better to see through a person clearly on the early stage rather than to dip further and got hurt deeply.

If you asked me would I prefer to get back with her given the chance and current situation, I would adamantly say NO. It's no sour grape but the sincere answering. BUT one thing for sure that she had left a big dent in my feelings and I am doubtful that it will heal soon even after 19 months. I am still astonished by her departure, when she said a chance was given but turn out to be a false one. Even herself don't know what she pursuing. There were two sides of me felt towards her. Hate and Love, mixed feelings. You can love a person and at the same time filled with hatred and that applies after a broke off relationship. I don't wanna make her feel guilty but can't stop myself from doing so. That's when I felt that justice was served and the only way I would used to ease my pain. She is always in the right and I am always in the wrong amd that is what she want the both of us to feel. How unreasonable....

Missing

I started to feel fear. Fearful of everything that's gonna happen in life. I have no direction in life, aimlessly passing each and everyday away. I went back smoking and was mild addicted to it. God, please help me and dispose all my excuses. I know I did not do a good job in quitting. All I can say it's my best tries.


I need support and I came to realise that friendship is more important than anything else. I concluded that there's no true friendship between men and women. In fact it's a thin line apart and you will always be confused by it. Anyway she will be gone in less than a month. How do I cope life's without her? My support in life was gone long ago till she came into my life. Be it in a friendship style or what. I don't wanna differentiate the differences between the two. I will just treasure the last moments of her stay in Singapore before she fly off to Aust for studies.

Best friend's for now...but how come can friendship last?

true friendship between man and woman?

Can there be true friendship between man and woman? Recent months got real close with her, can say we are real good friend's. But people tend to spread rumours about us. I treat her as a friend and din really bother about what other had said. But it get pretty annoying when people speculate with no grounds.

When it come to the opposite sex friendship, people tend to doubt. It's a thin line apart I guess. Anyway this blog entry was the first introduction about her. We drinks, have fun but never do anything intimate. Although she tend to get real close to me when she was drunk. Do you guys think that she have a feel for me?

Never take any advantage of her, no I'll never do that. May be I don't feel any love and pure friendship. All I can say that it get complicated when it involves man and woman?

May be I am giving away my new blog address to those I felt who have the rights to enter my life. I swear that I am going to blog with all the truth, no more surface facts.

Life

I reached to a certain point my life where I felt a brand new aspect of living it. Generally I felt that life's about pursuing what you aim for. Some people have objective in life, fighting their way through to their goal. Where as some people like me (the minority) felt that life should live in a way which your heart feels right. You can say I'm someone without any vision in life. But I can humbly say that I live a better life in term of internal health. Look at the people around you, on the surface they might be looking blissful. But looking into their inner self, many are so depressed about their living, misconception on what their really want in life.

It's only setback that you learn which make you more understanding the situation. It's the process which put youn in a deeper thought. It's only you can make your life a meaningful piece of story. My friend's, get a life!

2 months and amazingly, still non-smoking!

a soild 2 months of smoking cessation. I hereby declare myself as a non-smoker. It's an amazing feeling and to come to this stage, really not easy.

Sometimes I was thinking that things/habits which one's felt they cant live without, in actual fact they can. It's only after much trying and you came to realise that anything you can dependant on your willpower to achieve it.

Now I believe in Karma and you deserve all the suffering. Serve you right! ;)

Fatty Me

I gained excessive weight due to drinking and quit smoking. Now I got a massive task to do. My big tummy is not going anywhere and I am getting worried. Sometimes I don't feel hungry because my big tummy is giving false impression that I am full. Time to go for my night run later with my NEW new balance running shoes.


51 days without a single puff. Respect me! =p

One Month of Smoking Cessation

Today marks the completion of my anti-smoking campaign and a step to my first milestone. For that solid past month, I did not inhale even a single puff. no joke and initially it's really not easy. If you tell a smoker to quit smoking, it's like taking away a part of their life. If you tell a non-smoker that quitting is not as simple as ABC (saying is easier than done), they won't understand. Only smokers will know how it feel and how much courage it takes to call it a day, this I can boldly say that I had did a great job to quit it.

Self-Discipline and determination were the factors which reminds me of hanging on. I am amazed by my self-generated motivation and perseverance and will continued to fight against the demon of tobacco. No more puffing away my life and burning off precious dollar note which was used to roll up the tobacco leaf.

ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THEN WORDS. Here's my action to prove that I can do it, finally after so many attempts.... Jia you tarts!

Another bad habit learnt

its 27 days of non-polluted air breathing. It's amazing how far I came from. Many people really impressed on my achievement and to be honest I was also shocked. But sad to say, I picked up another bad habit - Drinking. Spent close to 1k for the past 1 month on drinking. It's really no joking, ya 1k on hard liquor. I think I'm having lesser drinking kakis as the rest of them was fearful of me. I tend to lost control when I got high up, can bottle up a bottle of martel in less then 1.5 hrs? lol.

Nearly

Nearly break my 22 days smoke free spell. Earlier on very tempted to smoke but still I told myself not to. Heng! 8 more days away from my first objective....

Rock Bottom

The past seem to flashed back to memory. MEMORIES, it could be sweet in the past. However it will became moments of sadness when you start reflecting, the sweet past which could not be brought back. I dislike thinking back the past and yet I could do nothing and have no say in not reflecting. Sometimes how I wish that we don't survive on memories, at least it would not tear you apart when you are emotionally down.

The past was history and it became the revision book on today's life. How I wish to light up a cigarette but I could not. How I wish to hear from you, a word of encouragement which will keep me going but you were gone for long. How could you do all these to a fragile me, when the day you left without much saying. I am still pondering. I am awaiting for a day to tell you that I finally quit smoking and how much suffering I'd been throughout the process. April's fool day is around the corner and I will don on my clown suit and make everyone around me happy, except the stupid me. Wish you all the best at the other stage of your life.

Now I am just emotionally rock bottom and let me remains emo even if dawn is approaching.

Smooth and Steady.

it's the 18th day as of now. Progressing very brightly and promising! I need to clarify things to avoid confusion and misunderstanding. First of all, I quit smoking was mainly due to health issue. I quit not because of anyone except myself. Not for any girls, bleah bleah. No specify reason, main reason, true factor that I quit, enough is enough, sometimes things just put to a stop, without much reason given.

Generally, I felt that smoking is wasting of money and time. It will not benefit you in anyway, just the fact that SMOKING will make you feel a sense of pleasure as it causes a chemical effect in our brain and produces dopamine. Research has shown that nicotine increases the level of dopamine in the brain, accounting for the pleasurable effect the smoker experiences when lighting up. In short, it produces feelings of happiness and well-being.

I felt so left out when I went pub with smoker's friends for a drinks. All will left for a smoke over a period of time. Very odd out but at the end of the day, I find it quite worth it to have finally fulfilled my objective. Everyday when I left for home, my right pocket was quite empty and it will make me feel that I had left something at home. Very weird feel as I am going the transition period. Anyway, I have motivators around me to assist me and I will hope to achieve the anti-smoking Ambassador's award in due time. Now my turn to nag at the smokers' to quit it.

My Quote:
If I can do it, why can't you?

14/30

Spent my whole day with "C". Woke up quite early for the preparation for K Lunch @ AMK, it's been quite some time since I last sing during the "early hours" of the days. Next, went to "C" Parent's popular Laksa-Lor Mee Store @ AMK Ave 10, "C" self proclaim that it's nice and well liked by the resident. After the taste of food, I find it pretty norm to me. May be my standard on the taste for food was pretty high.

After the meal, went to Orchard for shopping. Can't imagine we actually walked a lot for the whole day. She brought me to lots of brand shop at town area, as you guys know, I am not those brand concise type, as long as it looks presentable to me, I will just grab it. Anyway, In the end only bought a Versace Men Perfume @ Taka. The smell will surely make you indulge into the Men Body Secret!! "C' also bought the Women type, which comes in duo offer, so I can say the purchase was done base on impulse. We spent quite some time sitting in a cafe and chit-chatting lots of nonsense things. A pleasant day though.

In 3 hours time will mark another historical moments -- half a month without puffing. Thanks pals for the wishes! Another saying which motivates me : 'The hardest period had past, now I just need to maintain.'

10 days of non Smoking.

It's 10 days 12hr and 50mins when I posted this blog. The strength to carry on, I felt that strong within me. I believed every smoker will stand a chance to quit if they are willing to believe that they can do it. I can't say I am a success story but that was my best ever record of non-smoking so far. I passed several routine activities that I will associate with smoke.

I did not smoke when:

- I am on duty, for the past 3 shift.
- I drink alcohol, most say smoking and drinking come in pair.
- I finished my meal.
- Playing Mahjong while others were puffing around me.


I hope to complete the 30 days smoke free period. Let's see if I can succeed. =)

8 days and going....

I have a mission to accomplish and always wanting to do it, but somehow was delaying the movements. It's 8 days since I last puff a stick, my longest non-smoking record since the day I picked up smoking. I am going it without any aid and relaying on my willpower, so far I had resisted all temptation and was going very well. Sometimes I think that things which don't kill you, will make you stronger. May be I got my strength from that department and I am very serious about quitting.

Determination and perseverance is the key to success.

I am back once again.

For the past few months, a lot of things had happened. Well, on a blessing note, everything's over. I am still fine, the same old me, nothing gonna beat me down. I had trimmed my blog achieve before publishing. In future, no more blogging on work related matters, not a single post, I swear. I really learnt my lesson will be caution. The experience of life is also ever growing, you made a mistake, you grown an inch by learning. Never look down and keep going even thought people around you crticised on the things you do.

I am glad that the blog site is back to public view. Althought it had attracted lots of unwanted readers, but still I preserve this little corner of my speech to everyone, unselfishly.

I had fall sick for the past 6 days and was on MC. I am really sick and please don't speculate that I was not sick. I decided to quit smoking ( Once again, how many time you intend to do it?). It's the never give up attitude. I wanted to change my life, lead a healthy lifestyle, be the way I want to live in. Well supported by a friend's, thanks 'H'! Like what 'H' says there are two type of quitters, with one that would stopped completely and the other type which would stopped gradually. I guess I am belonging to the former. It's too early to say and let's hope everything's turn out well for me.