Shocked Reply.

I think she is not just letting me go. Why is she kept on maintaining the contact string? By announcing her new blog address on the old one does not do any good to me. Why she still want me to browse her new blog entry, kept on telling the whole world that she was in a blissful stage, yet every point is not clearly indicated. Guess what, she actually MSG me on 08/07/2009, to my horror, she wrongly msged to my house phone. I am glad that I am at home and picked the MSG from there.

'Hendry, I think I really need to talk to you, you mag choose not to reply.' (sic)

When I MSG her that she sent the wrong number, she replied...

'Well. Sorry, Selected wrongly :-)' - 2336hrs

the reply continues....

'Nothing happened. Thanks for your concern. it's also not a sudden decision to message you. Just felt that there is too many misunderstanding between us. It's a burden for you and may be

for me :-) i guess it's time to clear all there misunderstanding.' - 2343hrs

.......

Well, i've never mentioned anything about me letting you down or whatsoever. i've all along been talking about the misunderstanding since the start of this conversation. And one thing for sure, i've never looked back since i left. I just don wan anybody's life got ruin because of me. You get it? but since you claimed it this way, then so be it! At least the burden in me is all cleared now. :-) good night. - 0018hrs

......

I see. Now i know. Those written on the web are just fake and pathetic side of you. it seems like you have dual personality huh? Well, since your dual personality are hating me so much, i shall remove you from my life. I'm glad i left and never regret since then. :-) that's all i have to say. - 0729hrs


Every of her reply was so mean and harsh. What did I do wrong? To sum up everything, I perceived that her intention to contact me was to clear off all her guilt towards me. Obviously I did not reply her about anything nice, but definitely not as mean as her. She was just too proud of herself and kept on boosting her relationship with her boyfriend's. Whatever it's I am not gonna make her feel right to make that decision on that faithful day. Sometimes it's better to see through a person clearly on the early stage rather than to dip further and got hurt deeply.

If you asked me would I prefer to get back with her given the chance and current situation, I would adamantly say NO. It's no sour grape but the sincere answering. BUT one thing for sure that she had left a big dent in my feelings and I am doubtful that it will heal soon even after 19 months. I am still astonished by her departure, when she said a chance was given but turn out to be a false one. Even herself don't know what she pursuing. There were two sides of me felt towards her. Hate and Love, mixed feelings. You can love a person and at the same time filled with hatred and that applies after a broke off relationship. I don't wanna make her feel guilty but can't stop myself from doing so. That's when I felt that justice was served and the only way I would used to ease my pain. She is always in the right and I am always in the wrong amd that is what she want the both of us to feel. How unreasonable....

Missing

I started to feel fear. Fearful of everything that's gonna happen in life. I have no direction in life, aimlessly passing each and everyday away. I went back smoking and was mild addicted to it. God, please help me and dispose all my excuses. I know I did not do a good job in quitting. All I can say it's my best tries.


I need support and I came to realise that friendship is more important than anything else. I concluded that there's no true friendship between men and women. In fact it's a thin line apart and you will always be confused by it. Anyway she will be gone in less than a month. How do I cope life's without her? My support in life was gone long ago till she came into my life. Be it in a friendship style or what. I don't wanna differentiate the differences between the two. I will just treasure the last moments of her stay in Singapore before she fly off to Aust for studies.

Best friend's for now...but how come can friendship last?

true friendship between man and woman?

Can there be true friendship between man and woman? Recent months got real close with her, can say we are real good friend's. But people tend to spread rumours about us. I treat her as a friend and din really bother about what other had said. But it get pretty annoying when people speculate with no grounds.

When it come to the opposite sex friendship, people tend to doubt. It's a thin line apart I guess. Anyway this blog entry was the first introduction about her. We drinks, have fun but never do anything intimate. Although she tend to get real close to me when she was drunk. Do you guys think that she have a feel for me?

Never take any advantage of her, no I'll never do that. May be I don't feel any love and pure friendship. All I can say that it get complicated when it involves man and woman?

May be I am giving away my new blog address to those I felt who have the rights to enter my life. I swear that I am going to blog with all the truth, no more surface facts.

Life

I reached to a certain point my life where I felt a brand new aspect of living it. Generally I felt that life's about pursuing what you aim for. Some people have objective in life, fighting their way through to their goal. Where as some people like me (the minority) felt that life should live in a way which your heart feels right. You can say I'm someone without any vision in life. But I can humbly say that I live a better life in term of internal health. Look at the people around you, on the surface they might be looking blissful. But looking into their inner self, many are so depressed about their living, misconception on what their really want in life.

It's only setback that you learn which make you more understanding the situation. It's the process which put youn in a deeper thought. It's only you can make your life a meaningful piece of story. My friend's, get a life!

2 months and amazingly, still non-smoking!

a soild 2 months of smoking cessation. I hereby declare myself as a non-smoker. It's an amazing feeling and to come to this stage, really not easy.

Sometimes I was thinking that things/habits which one's felt they cant live without, in actual fact they can. It's only after much trying and you came to realise that anything you can dependant on your willpower to achieve it.

Now I believe in Karma and you deserve all the suffering. Serve you right! ;)