Kular Lumpur, Malaysia (05/04/2013 - 07/04/2013)

Yesterday evening came back from Kular Lumpur, Malaysia and currently on a 'two days vacation' here before setting off to BKK, Thailand before (again) landing on my FINAL DESTINATION- Chiang Mai.

I am going alone on the flight, alone to a foreign lane which I've never done that before. Once in our life time, we ought to experience a bravery discovery on ourselves. Exploring such a field is not my cup of cake. But still, I am heading to the North with an adventurous feel and a touch of anxiety.

This KL trip had taught me a lot. No doubt that I smoke 6.5 sticks for the trip. I also met the tour guide - Mr Safari along the way. I'd shared my smoking experience and it had inspired and reminded me once again that the battle is not alone and I'd actually imparted my quitting knowledge to Mr Safari. I brought a pack of cigarette but gave it away after consulting Mei Yan through whatsapp - just to maintain my one week of non-smoking - crap crap crap. STILL, it's not where you start BUT where you eventually will end. The fight to become a full time smoker will never be materialise and the will determination of withstanding the sarcastic remarks can never bring me down. I am the only one that can bring myself and if there is one day I will stop the fight, I will definitely look down on myself.

Genting Highland was another stop for the trip. I entered the Casino with anxiety and uneasiness even I am not loaded with tons of cash. I came to realise that I am a coward in front of gambling table and my bets were small and careful. That was not me in the past and after the gamble, I'd lost 100 over ringgits. But after a deeper thought, I came to find out the hidden meaning behind all these. I'd learned my lesson of being a habitual gambler to someone who are more sensible in a gambling aspect. In actual fact, I felt pleased.

So much things to look forward to and I hope this incoming journey will be a fruitful one....I pray that so.

Sum up of my life in March

There are so happening lately. I picked up smoking on 17 March 2013. I was a disappointing move but I felt a sense of guilt when someone actually look upon me as a role model. I was temporarily transferred to office hour till 18 May 2013 as to settle my housing issue.

Of late, Issue of shifting house, dad went jobless had added much pressure into my life. The bright side of the darkness is that I'd cut down on drinking tremendously.

Love life still the same, met someone whom had a boyfriend - Lai Mei Yan. May be it's all fated to meet the right person at the wrong time, it was just a wild guess.

Update of my ninety days

It's been more than three months since I last pen down my happening in life. it will be good if we review on life counter in a quarterly basis. At least we are able to capture the moments and able to look back when we grow. 

I was at Thailand for a vacation from 16/01/2013 - 24/01/2013 and I met a lady called 'Eve'. Eve was an amazing person whom I met there and there was so much of the emotional attachment wherever I am in a foreign land. I remember adding her in facebook and she was a helpful lady who kept sending me tons of Thai's MP3. To materialise the meeting was simply a magical feeling. 

A secret to the vacation is that I SMOKED on the last day of the trip due to drunkenness and stupidity. It's also emotional overwhelming when I felt the last day was a bad day where separation is inevitable. I puffed outside the club and Eve was so angry that she walked out from the club. 

Thank god that I managed to caught up with her after a short chase. Reconciled after some real confrontation  when both of us were drunk. Nothing happens between us and we are just friends. After I came back from Thailand, I felt so lost not due to jet lag. 19 days of non-smoking since my failure but seriously will not be thwarted by the demons . Whatever the happening there, I am still looking forward to the life style in Thailand but I know it's not possible to stay there for settlement unless I've decided to disown my parents  Eve might be someone whom I'd settled all of my vacation feeling in, she was just an illusion. 

A flight back to 'realisticity', a flight from a place emotionally filled. Packed up my feeling from a well spent vacation. Everyday till now, we still chat on Skype or Line. She's a weirdo and kept saying she's psycho towards me due to the fact that she has an ex-Singaporean bf?  May be I am just a substitute from her SG's fiction character. I should be the next chapter of her noble novel. 

BUT I still think it's better to be alone, it's better not to hurt someone again. I chose to be in my own world when BG-relationship is so tiring to live in. At the other hand, I tend to envy those lovely birds. 

What a mixed feeling I'm having but I seriously want to return to Thailand soon for some unknown reasons..........

29th

Happy birthday to me! My yearly wish is to hope that my family lives peacefully, be blessed with rich health. Cheers to my last 20's birthday!

Changing for the better

I'm now trying not to be dependant on alcohol when it comes to sleep. But it's so hard to adapt the kinda of life without it. But it takes time to change a habit, a self-discipline to maintain that.