April 2017, a happening month of my life.

This month was considered the most happening month of my life.

(1) Caught for speeding on 4th April , $150 fine 6 demerit points for the first time of my life.

(2) Major car accident on 16th April , injuries with 13 days of Medical Leave. Lawsuit in progress.

(3) Dropped my Iphone 7 128gb on 21st April, phone never recover and gone forever.

(4) Met up with a very long lost bff on 28th April after a swim at senja-cashew CC, thereafter decided to go for a haircut after the swim and met her at Greenridge shopping centre. She accompanied me during the haircut and we chatted a lot while the auntie was cutting my hair. Even so many year of not seeing her, the friendliness feelings are like good old yesterday and never change even so many years on. It was a Friday night and she decided to follow me on Grab car hitch where we picked up passengers along the way. After a few trips, I parked my brother's vehicle back home and went to club July for some drinks.

We ordered two bucket of beer and we started sharing our sweets between our mouth. We kissed and everything just went out of way. Both of us were drunk as I had stopped drinking since the accident (16/04/17-27/07/2017). We continued kissing and took a cab to a playground nearby her house for a heart to heart talk and it was coincidentally 8 years back where we had volka at that same playground, it was shown on the facebook ''on this day event''. We french kiss and under the influence of alcohol, we started to be intimate and we started to be touchy and it went way way beyond what I thought. We met just a few hours ago and it came to a stage of uncontrollable actions. In short we had some obscene act at the playground. We chatted, hugging and kissing and I learned that her mother passed away two week ago due to stage 4 ovary cancer. She cried and I consoled her. I hugged her and gave her comfort because I don't like to see girls cry. I have a soft heart towards them.

I won't know how far we will progress and to what extend but I just let nature take its course. She was sort of my fling as she revealed that she was not intending to get married and have babies. Understand her stand as she was being betrayed by her then husband-to-be before. We were young then and we are in a very very strong bonding before her depature to Australia for studies. She cried in the plane before it take off and I can still remember vividly what she told me. I was also so emotionally upset.

Moving forwards, both of us are is our 30's now and I always believe in fate and destiniy. There is always something happen for a reason and to meet her after so many year after that particular day is fate. I should be working on morning shift on that day and due to the accident, I met her once again. If not for the motorist that collided onto my brother's vehicle, I won't be on medical leave and defintiely will be on duty on 28/04/2017. If I am not driving grab hitch, I won't be along Yishun Avenue 8 and the motorist will not hit onto me. If not for the passenger who booked her location to Yishun Avenue 1, I wouldn't even on that road.

It's always chain of events which eventually lead to an outcome. Every outcome is always called FATE.

You agree?

My grandma passed away on 22/01/2017. She was born in 13/12/1932, departure at the age of 85. She was a very nice lady, always treat me well. But we rarely meet up and only during the festive seasons on Chinese New Year. We don't stay together but only when my auntie went overseas to Italy in 2013 and my grandma stayed with us for a short period of time in July 2013. She has difficulty in walking and she can't really sleep in the middle of the night. She was pitiful whenever I woke up and saw her during the wee hours, her eyes was wide open at the living room. I shouldn't feel this way but can't help myself to feel sad for her. What is the true meaning of living at an old age?

We should ponder. Physically not able and unable to enjoy life to the fullest, we ought to be gone sooner than before. Staying behind will only bear suffering. That's my logic in life, it's applicable to be even at old age. I don't feel sad over her departure, that's life, people come and go.

It's a simple funeral wake with not much visitors around. She lying down there at the void deck of Blk 124 Bedok Reservoir with drizzling over the night of 23/01/2017. At the funeral wake, I saw my cousins whom I never see before in my entire life. Weird feeling.

She was gone, but memories will always bring me back to her to that faithful day, when I was a baby and when our family visited her during Chinese New Year. We ought to be strong knowing the fact that we will leave this world sooner or later, don't feel sad don't feel any regrets. Till then, I will see you grandma somewhere over that place.

Good Bye Grandma.

Emotionals got charged

Lately, I got my emotional feelings back, after riding past the good old past of a relationship, listening to some old love song which can relate to the past. I remember my past 2 ex-gf, whom left a great impact on my love life. One got married with another one got missing since 8 years ago.

It triggered. It can be triggered like a sleeping volcano. The lava always beneath the volcano hill. I thought I was a robot with no feelings but I am wrong. I am a sleeping volcano. Listening to some songs which relates to the past can be astonishing and overwhelming.

I will try and sleep. Being emotional that I could not sleep. I miss them. Yup, it's them when you think I am an asshole for missing so many people. I am just someone who life in the past. I miss the old moments, the time I was with that person.

Emotionless

12 years on, my very first blog entry listed. Now, the interest on blogging on my diary seem to be diminish a little. Is it that I am having less emotions towards everything which I was doing. I am numbed towards everything.



Why I am so different from before? I guess that time changes us, our belief, mindset, perspective in life, which was beyond our control. How we feel towards a certain thing, is something which was felt on our inner self. It will change as we grow old. We called that GROWING UP.

I feel with a heavy feets when it comes to work, I tend to feel more restless during the night shift. May be age is catching up. What can I do now when I am feeling weaker now? It is just waiting for things to happen.

So much things which I hope to change, but where is the courage and determination to do so? I need some belief to stick with, some energy to keep me going. I wanted gym so much, to get a good body cause I know I will feel good and look good with that. Some many 24 hours gym coming up around my neighbourhood, should I go? Be a loner, at least a loner whom was a happy one. Yes, this I promise myself to a better health soonner.

Promotion in 1st June 2016

It should be a good thing to happen in life. Promotion to Senior Staff Sergeant is as good as telling you that your salary had increased reasonably. But to be frank, I don't feel excited over it, I was just surprised that I gotten it in two years time, it should be compensating my previous 10 years of stagnant period. I am slowly catching up with my peers.

Not much things in life that can touch my heart and make me feel something of a real deal. I became someone with less emotional over BIG happening in life. That was beyond my control, even someone around me passed away, a near miss accident which can even cause my life, I don't feel as much as my heart beats a little rapid than usual.

I don't know if it is a good thing or not but there is nothing I can do to change my way of thinking toward things in life. We changed our aspect in life and the perspective we had on a situation, sometimes even without us knowing. We aged as days goes by, bodily and mentally and the scarliest things in that we can only just let how mindset runs on the development.

One day, I might not be around. Dead somewhere due to unforesee circumstances. Let's be happy in a daily basis. May be I should be looking to do things which are meaningful in nature and I think the happiness you obtain via that manner will be much more encouraging.