Thoughts

Happen to browse through some of the photos which were taken with Shirley. Counting fingers, it's 5 years down the road since she left. Indisputable that she was the one I love the deepest and the one who left without any words. It's was saddening to feel, but sometimes I will still browse through her Facebook even though we are parted that long. To love someone, at some weird interpretation, that is not about possession. It's about seeing her well, making sure that she is well taken care of, even if I'm not in the position to concern about her. I'll be there as a guidance angel hiding at a corner, praying that she will be blissful and happy always. That's called love, isn't it? May be one day it will be diminished and weaken as days past by, the point is that we once in love and the feeling was so true then. That's sufficient for that period and there shall be no regrets even the ending was not a happy one.

I remembered in the past when we just silently broke off, I was in an intoxication state for most of the time, tend to curse and swear her 'wrong doings'. I did that when I was dead drunk and cursing her over the SMS. This shows my immaturity during that period. But in fact, I was the one who is so stubborn, don't really accept the fact that I was in the wrong. Since the matter was a history, we shall not bear grudges and live with it to the future.

I'm still looking forward to the next relationship even thought I felt that I'll be single for life. Such a negative thoughts but you will never know who you will came across in future. Let's pray hard for the next Love. Night...

A date with a female ex-classmates

After the constantly asking from her, I finally went out with her. She's Emily Tan, my secondary classmate sitting right beside me during the upper secondary school days. I suspected that she liked me for many years and I had tried to avoid her for some reasons. There are a lot of indicators to say but I just treated her like a friend. I don't know why I do not have any affection towards her. Guess that's what we call Chemistry in love, without it there is nothing we can do about it. Can sense that she was trying her best to get close to me, always engaging in a common football topic among us.

We went to 'Planet Paradise' at the Clark Quay, had a tower of beer and was quite amazed that we finished it within 2 hours. It's still weird for me when the two of us were only out there. Thinking that she will size me up and it was quite a scary thing to think of. The day ended with a meal of 'Koka Mee' at the coffeeshop nearby my house. She's asking me out again for the match between Newcastle and Liverpool on 1st Apr. What should I do?

Weighing machine is a liar

My weight took a leapfrog from the normal 60 odds to an endangering figure of 8. It's a huge differences to say, to quit smoking will make a person gained weight? I blame myself and take the wrap of my ill drinking habits, late night supper and the metabolism rate was slower due to my 'mature' age. My face was rounder than usual and my uniform was misfitting.

I ought to change my lifestyle or else, I will never regain back my old self, body to be exact. That is why I have been running for the past days and it makes you feel refresh even after a short run. I got to exercise and that was the main propriety to lose weight. I have this dream (undisclosed) to become a muscular guy and I seriously think I will look good in the mirror.

Constantly dream will appear during my sleep. I had one last night where I was taking a stick and was seem puffing away. I was like 'shit, my record was broken and I am back to my own self.' I tend to think so hard-up on quitting and still have the thought of 'I-Am-Quitting' even one year had past. Lately been seeing people puffing and the URGE was there tremendously! I always think that one day I might fall back to the same path and it's just a matter of time. Quite a negative thought and time will reveal the answer.

till then, 377 days and going....

Letdown

I'm just disappoint in myself. A leopard will never change its spots. Always going back to the same path. Quit smoking so what?

Happy 1 (solid) year of smoke free life!

Today was a proud moments for my smoking cessation workshop. It's one year anniversary to me, 366 days of battle. Have to admit that it became more of a norm to me. Wasn't so self-pride when it come to daily affair. May be I'm just taking things for granted. The campaign started off with so much passion. How about another year ahead? Will I still stick to my belief or is it gonna start shaking. I pray that I'm able to withstand the temptations, the boredness over quitting.

Will I one day smoke because of curiosity? I hope not, cause its the very first reason I start my first puff...